Me and a
woman I went to high school with walked to the door of a store to buy
condoms. Two men were with us too, but
they weren’t our significant others or sex partners, just casual male friends
standing behind us and despite their presence, we were in charge of our own
condom choosing and buying.
The other
woman knew what she was doing, had obviously interacted with the costumer
service man before and even had a semi-secret code word related to her condom
purchase. As for me, this was my first
time buying condoms – and since I wasn’t buying them with a particular partner
in mind (because I didn’t have a partner), I had no idea what brand or variety
to choose. I was asked what size I wanted
and how should I know? I was asked if I
wanted any special features and I didn’t know that either.
Since I
wasn’t buying condoms with a particular cock in mind, I said standard
size. The other woman had spoken softly,
and when she told him what she wanted, he was standing right in front of her;
but when I was asked what I wanted, he was standing across the room next to the
various condom accoutrements and so I had to loudly announce (almost yell) my uncertain
answer in front of the whole store.
Then I got
brought a huge jar-sized contraption (about triple the size of a mayo jar),
with hundreds of condoms inside, all of them unpackaged and tiny. Less than
half the size of an un-blown up balloon.
I wasn’t sure if I was handed this large jar with tiny condoms because
he thought I wanted to buy the whole jar or if I was supposed to take off the
lid and pull out the amount I actually wanted.
The woman
next to me knew what she wanted and quickly got what she always got.
The two
men behind us just stood there saying nothing and waiting for me to be done.
I’m not an
easily embarrassed person; sex talk doesn’t bother me. But I am a very uncertain person and I felt
uncomfortable and slightly embarrassed about myself for not having a helpful
partner (or any partner for that matter), not knowing what to do or choose when handed a huge container full of tiny condoms, and
feeling like a clueless condom gimp.
A clueless
sex, love, relationship gimp.
An odd
little dream based on my current uncertainty about all those things.
