4/7/13

Convoluted Streamer


I don't define myself by who I'm with. I define myself through my own personal expression, (especially poetry and other thinking/feeling/creative writing) and my own thoughts and feelings and style.

Although it sometimes bums me out a bit if my thoughts/feelings/style don't seem to appeal to many people, that doesn't mean I'm going to change them.

I have no intention of or desire to act fake or tone the real me down to fit into some main stream.

I'm not sure where MY stream is going though.

In recent years my own thoughts and feeling and REMEMBERING is often a convoluted, mixed up mess.

One of my issues in recent years is I don't seem to know what I WANT so how should I know what best to focus on? Either everything matters too much or nothing matters all that much at all. I'm in between, but I don't know exactly what I'm in between. Maybe nothing.

Maybe I'm just going to be in between my own something/nothing realm for the rest of my life.

I tend to be a pretty productive, focused person - so not knowing what I should focus on/ what I WANT to focus on, who I even ultimately AM or desire to be is...less than stellar.

Even as I'm writing this, I wonder why am I writing this? What's the point? What's the point of anything? Does this even make any sense? What are points and sense? Maybe I should dive into painting a nonsensical pretty mess.

I know I am and want to be truly expressive. So if my expression is sometimes pretty, sometimes ugly, sometimes sexy, sometimes horrific, sometimes a messy fusion mix with discolored grit flung in the midst, then maybe that's my stream.