a dream in which food is way more interesting than me

Didn't sleep well last night. Had a small series of oddly bothersome little dreams involving me and poetry and people I'm involved with.

In one dream, my sister, who has only ever been to one of my poetry readings, told me that all of my poetry was like the same poem on repeat, like boring hospital food or like repeatedly watching some class on feminine hygiene products.

In another dream, I was sitting in an airport or mall restaurant with two people who had chosen to visit me there a little bit before I had to head to work. I had about 15 minutes, so I figured we were just going to sit there and talk, but instead they both bought big fancy sandwiches and started eating them in front of me, even though I didn't have time to eat anything. I got upset that in the limited amount of time we had together, they were both more focused on eating than on listening to me, I said something about that, the man acted like it was no big deal, and said his daughter was always hungry. I told him that he had a sandwich too, it was right in front of my face, and I might as well just leave and go to work. He casually said okay. Then I got in front of the woman's face, called her a hog, and left.

So I guess my dreams were insinuating that in some people's minds hospital food is more interesting than my poetry and me - sandwiches are more interesting than anything I have to say - and I might as well just shove feminine hygiene products into my mouth and spit them out on repeat.

Oh and if I get upset at a man for acting thoughtless and careless, then I'll call another woman a hog. 🐷

growing intensity and creative annihilation

"...manic repetition and obsessive production is met with depressive withdrawal and melancholic annihilation. This psychological and creative spiral - propelled by what Freud termed the death drive - persisted with growing intensity throughout their careers. Bourgeois confronted and repeated the traumatic implications of her childhood more intently over time; she was in her eighties when she began creating her powerful and iconic Cells, various enclosures filled with symbolic objects, sculptures and highly charged personal items"

(from the MELANCHOLIA / MANIA part of an article called "The Creative Spiral of Bourgeois and Kusama", associated with an art show called Traumata: Bourgeois/Kusama")

yet another variation on...

When I'm talking out loud, I think I use the words "um", "like" and "literally" too much. I don't really know why I use the word "literally", because I don't really think anything is exact.

I also use the words "maybe" and "I guess" a lot.

I guess maybe I'm not very adherent or stringent. But hopefully that doesn't make me wishy washy.

Anyway, I looked up the definition of "literally" and here is it's informal definition.

"used for emphasis or to express strong feeling while not being literally true."

That's kind of a funny informal definition and I guess that makes a little sense in terms of me using it, because I sometimes sound emphatic and I'm pretty expressive and feeling-based. But sometimes I think too much of what I express is either accidentally exaggerated or overly repetitive.

I think my voice sometimes sounds more confident than I actually feel too.

And yes, I realize this might be yet another variation on the sort of thoughts/feelings I've been repetitively expressing lately.