6/21/09

surgery

I had an awful little dream last night, in which I had to perform some sort of surgery upon my Boston Terrier. I had to use an implement that looked like a large pizza cutter to make an incision around the perimeter of his body, beginning at the white underside of his throat and then all the way around, along each of his sides towards the back and under his tail. I dreamed two consecutive variations of this same dream.

In both versions, Sockeye was not anesthetized, but neither was he squirming or squealing. I was just holding him in place as I cut and he was just looking at me with a fearful yet trusting, baleful expression, one of the most excruciating details of the dream. In the first variation, I performed the cutting procedure correctly.

In the second variation, I botched it, cutting into the wrong area of his body. I then proceeded to act casual, as if nothing amiss had happened, even though I was secretly aware that my bungled surgery might cost my dog his life. Even as he continued to balefully gaze at me, I failed to react swiftly to my own mistake, acting as if I pretended it hadn't happened, then this reality might not exist. It was disturbing and I wonder what this dream is saying about my real life.

I also wonder if this dream was at least partly catalyzed by my inexplicable failure to open a can of tuna fish correctly the other night. I spent at least five minutes and two can openers in my struggle with this can, thinking that my can opener was bent out of shape, then thinking that the can itself was somehow warped, before I solicited the assistance of my husband, who promptly informed me that my difficulty was due to the fact I had been trying to open the bottom of the can rather than the top. Then he asked me if I thougtht I should get a brain scan.

What do you think?