growing intensity and creative annihilation

"...manic repetition and obsessive production is met with depressive withdrawal and melancholic annihilation. This psychological and creative spiral - propelled by what Freud termed the death drive - persisted with growing intensity throughout their careers. Bourgeois confronted and repeated the traumatic implications of her childhood more intently over time; she was in her eighties when she began creating her powerful and iconic Cells, various enclosures filled with symbolic objects, sculptures and highly charged personal items"

(from the MELANCHOLIA / MANIA part of an article called "The Creative Spiral of Bourgeois and Kusama", associated with an art show called Traumata: Bourgeois/Kusama")

ART MODE VERSUS MODEL MODE

When I get into one of my modes of too much focus on my looks and discomfort with the physical aging process, I should focus more on unique ART being hotter than bodies. Not that body types aren't appealing in their own way, but why should I care about some standard model flow? I should care much more about warped ART flow, like the creations of Louise Bourgeois, whose art based visual creations are oddly powerful in their own unique way - and who was still creating new strong, powerful art when she was in her 80s. Based on that, I'm only halfway there and need to stop focusing on my middle-aged, looks-based bullshit. Instead of wishing I looked younger, I should be wishing I looked weirder, more misshapen, more multicolored, more wired into poetry land and visual ART. Screw the mainstream success sort of model hotness and its semi-clichéd standardized parameters.