(I read the above question on a friend's facebook wall and decided
to answer it, from my perspective, or at least parts of my perspective.)
I am both.
I'm very prone to being a "make it happen" type of
person when it comes to poetry and art - since I'm strongly drawn to poetic
expression, but it's not going to create itself or suddenly, randomly ejaculate
itself into the world.
I'm passionate, high energy, and have urgent and anxious
impulses and so I love directing my passionate energy (and expelling my anxiety
and borderline OCD urgency) in a direction that I have a real, genuine, long
lasting, ongoing passion for.
Since I know my passion for poetry is strong and real and
genuine (for example, regardless of what others think of my poetry, I will
still create it), I like to be in control of my own time and space, in regards
to my poetry.
Also, I like to be in control of my own time and space as much
as I can period. Overall, I'm not good at handling last minute plans.
I have no desire to control anyone else's time or space however
- and I have absolutely no desire to try to control anyone else's mind, other
than my own. I don't want to take any control whatsoever over any other adult's
thoughts or feelings or lifestyle choices. Ultimately, everyone's thoughts and
feelings and choices should be their own.
Aside from my poetry/art and being able to make my own choices
inside my own mind and in regards to my own time and space... with most other
things, I'm closer to "let's see what happens".
Things that involve anyone other than myself, as long as they
don't invade my time and space, I don't desire to be in control.
I don't desire to be in control of a large group situation.
I don't desire to be in control of any individual other than
myself.
It's not because I'm weak; it's not because I'm a follower; it's
not because I'm complacent with others. But with some things, it doesn't feel
worth it for me to try to be in control AND with some things, I genuinely do
want to see what happens.
With relationships and love, for example. I don't want to MAKE a
relationship or love happen, because that doesn't feel real and genuine. I
don't want to quickly grab someone up, just to make sure someone else doesn't
grab them up. I don't want to make someone dive into me before they even know
very many of the details of me and my mixed-up, semi-convoluted personality.
I don't want to MAKE anything happen if it involves someone
else, because I feel like that's too close for comfort to being forceful and
wanting to be in control of others.
Being in control of oneself is fine. Being in control of others
is the total opposite of my cup of tea.
I don't want to STATE my opinion as though it's some sort of
absolute fact.
I don't want to force myself upon or dive into someone who has
no idea if they can handle all of me.
My poetry/art is all mine (when I am creating it), so I feel
completely comfortable choosing to be in control of that.
I'll dive right into a poem if I'm in the mood. After all, if I
later decide the poem is dull or boring or nothing special, then I can tear it
up and toss it in the trash OR I can revise it into something better, since I'm
the one who wrote it in the first place.
But I don't want to spend my time and energy trying to revise
other human being's minds.
Everyone's minds are their own and if we choose to share our brain waves with
certain special others, that can be awesome.
But trying to mold someone else's mind into what you think it ought to be
feels like the polar opposite of awesome to me.
No comments:
Post a Comment