11/9/13

What is the point of documenting this dream?

What is the point of ANYTHING?

I guess everyone's points (or other shapes/sizes/colors) are different, but then how do you know how to interpret anyone else's feelings?

The dream was related to relationships, affection, and flirtation.  The man I had a long term relationship with was being physically affectionate with another woman in our back yard. I was semi-secretly watching from a window inside our house as the two of them worked together outside. He sat down and she placed her head right up against the side of his head/neck and he fed her fruit.

His actual supposed long term partner (me) watched from the upstairs window as he appeared to be truly enjoying his company with this other woman. Finally I went downstairs and outside, just as the other woman was walking away.  I said something to her like, "You sure enjoy putting your head against my husband's neck, don't you?"  She was not the least bit embarrassed or ashamed that I had seen her physical contact with my husband.  She said something like," Well he wouldn't let me put my head against his stomach" and then continued walking away.

I headed towards my husband and confronted him, thinking he might apologize and/or explain the situation. He was still sitting down calmly and didn't really seem to care what I thought at all. "So should we just end our relationship?" I asked, feeling hurt and almost shocked.  "I don't know, I guess", he said casually.

So it was up to me.  Stick with a long term relationship with someone who didn't really care about me and my feelings and who was more attached to/attracted to another woman and didn't feel the least bit badly about that - or be the one who went through the process of ending it and lose him and then lose friend after friend after friend.

I was the one who felt embarrassed and ashamed of myself. I wasn't good enough.