I had an awful bad dream last night, worst dream I’ve had
in a long time. Women were treated like they weren’t worthy of respect or even
life.
It’s been suggested to me that I watch too many horror
movies and maybe that’s bad on my brain. I disagree. Horror movie blood and guts and broken bones
and other torn off oozing misfit smithereens is like quirky violent art blood bath
amalgamations for me. Sure some content
creeps me out, but I don’t mind being creeped out and scared in a violent red
violet art fling. It’s real life violence that I find far more disturbing.
A movie that had a scene that has disturbingly popped out
of my head for years is American History X.
I don’t remember all the details of the movie. I remember thinking it
was a good film and that Edward Norton’s acting was extremely powerful and lots
of other really good acting too. I saw it years ago and don’t remember the details.
I think it was brimming with real life based racist violence, but the one
violent scene that repeatedly pops out my head, I don’t desire to describe it
in detail, but for those who have seen the film, probably all I have to say is that
it’s a head and a foot crushing down.
After last night’s bad dream, my mind popped that seen
out again – AND then seemed to suddenly replay another seen from that movie (or
from another movie or from my own brain I am not even sure), that I’ve never
remembered before. A store (grocery or convenience) being broken into by a
group of men and the women workers being held down and tied up and having more
and more food and liquid just poured all over their bodies and faces and into
their mouths. The reason that seen
suddenly entered my head after my dream was based on my dream involving females
being treated with no respect, like they were just bodies with mouth heads that
needed to be shut.
Body parts and mouths
to be filled and then stepped on stomped on pried open pored into choked gagged
dragged stabbed shot left for dead who cares they’re just objects with holes.
The dream was awful because it involved a man from my
past who I don’t think about all that much anymore and my mom who never liked
him. I don’t have the time to try to
specify where the dream came from or what the dream meant (anyway I already
sort of did based on those movie memories and how real life violence disturbs
me a lot more than horror movies), but below is more of my description of the
bad dream.
Dirty yogurt licked up and spit into my mouth and all
over the outside of the kitchen cabinets I had just taken the time to
clean. Dirty yogurt spit all over the
newly cleaned room while I stood there and couldn’t do anything to stop his
gross spit-taking attack. Then as soon as my mom made fun of his behavior, he
left the room.
Then he re-entered with a gun directed at my mom. I started crying and screaming please no, thinking
he was going to shoot her. He let me
take the gun, but he directed her outside and she went. I knew what was going to happen and it was
too late for me to do anything about it. Even though I had the gun I didn’t
know how to use it. It was too late.
She was going to have her face stomped on and be gone.
She was going to be crushed by the man I had chosen.
***
In other news, unrelated to bad dreams, see my post below about adding a poem line to win a prize. I don't have anywhere near enough poem lines yet.
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