I had an awful bad dream last night, worst dream I’ve had in a long time. Women were treated like they weren’t worthy of respect or even life.
It’s been suggested to me that I watch too many horror movies and maybe that’s bad on my brain. I disagree. Horror movie blood and guts and broken bones and other torn off oozing misfit smithereens is like quirky violent art blood bath amalgamations for me. Sure some content creeps me out, but I don’t mind being creeped out and scared in a violent red violet art fling. It’s real life violence that I find far more disturbing.
A movie that had a scene that has disturbingly popped out of my head for years is American History X. I don’t remember all the details of the movie. I remember thinking it was a good film and that Edward Norton’s acting was extremely powerful and lots of other really good acting too. I saw it years ago and don’t remember the details. I think it was brimming with real life based racist violence, but the one violent scene that repeatedly pops out my head, I don’t desire to describe it in detail, but for those who have seen the film, probably all I have to say is that it’s a head and a foot crushing down.
After last night’s bad dream, my mind popped that seen out again – AND then seemed to suddenly replay another seen from that movie (or from another movie or from my own brain I am not even sure), that I’ve never remembered before. A store (grocery or convenience) being broken into by a group of men and the women workers being held down and tied up and having more and more food and liquid just poured all over their bodies and faces and into their mouths. The reason that seen suddenly entered my head after my dream was based on my dream involving females being treated with no respect, like they were just bodies with mouth heads that needed to be shut.
Body parts and mouths to be filled and then stepped on stomped on pried open pored into choked gagged dragged stabbed shot left for dead who cares they’re just objects with holes.
The dream was awful because it involved a man from my past who I don’t think about all that much anymore and my mom who never liked him. I don’t have the time to try to specify where the dream came from or what the dream meant (anyway I already sort of did based on those movie memories and how real life violence disturbs me a lot more than horror movies), but below is more of my description of the bad dream.
Dirty yogurt licked up and spit into my mouth and all over the outside of the kitchen cabinets I had just taken the time to clean. Dirty yogurt spit all over the newly cleaned room while I stood there and couldn’t do anything to stop his gross spit-taking attack. Then as soon as my mom made fun of his behavior, he left the room.
Then he re-entered with a gun directed at my mom. I started crying and screaming please no, thinking he was going to shoot her. He let me take the gun, but he directed her outside and she went. I knew what was going to happen and it was too late for me to do anything about it. Even though I had the gun I didn’t know how to use it. It was too late.
She was going to have her face stomped on and be gone.
She was going to be crushed by the man I had chosen.
In other news, unrelated to bad dreams, see my post below about adding a poem line to win a prize. I don't have anywhere near enough poem lines yet.