Some people might perceive an aura as being a potentially exhilarating experience; perhaps even spiritual in some sort of way - but imagine how non-fun and un-exhilarating it might be when you unexpectedly experience it for the first time as a freakish brain misfire.
I was watching TV and suddenly red & green lights appeared to be spewing out of the TV screen - then spewing from my back door – then red & green lights everywhere I looked no matter where I turned my head. They were bright and strange and unsettling and I started to feel faint and afraid, so I crawled towards my bed, just in case I was going to pass out. Since I didn’t know what was happening and thought I might be on the brink of dyeing, I decided to call my parents right away, but that’s when the situation became even scarier. I could not see the letters or numbers on my cell phone and could not understand its shape or how it worked.
My right arm was starting to tingle and feel a bit limp; causing me to worry it might be on the brink of paralysis, which it was after I suffered from an unexpected stroke a few years ago. My right eye was not seeing properly or clearly and I was trying to hold my phone up close to my left eye and somehow figure out how to press a name that already had its number plugged in. It took way too long, but I finally somehow managed to call my sister who lives near me. At that point, I was having trouble speaking and could not explain the situation in any details, but could only say that something was wrong with me.
My parents soon made it to my house; while waiting I don't remember exactly what happened; but it involved weird sounds randomly zooming around the air. Once my parents arrived, I had significant trouble speaking/explaining/saying the right words. We thought about going to the Emergency Room, but I REALLY did not want to, because last time I did that, I was there for several un-appealing days, receiving all sorts of tests to see if I’d had a seizure – and even though the testing did not clearly indicate that I’d had a seizure, they prescribed me with a seizure pill anyway.
Guess what we think caused last night’s incident? I have been taking my seizure pill for quite a few months now, due to MAYBE having had a seizure this past August. Apparently sometimes people who have suffered from strokes are more prone to seizures after that, which is the main reason I was prescribed this pill even though the hospital testing did not prove I’d had a seizure. I had very recently gone to pick up my new generic batch of the pill I've been taking and they had switched it to a different generic batch pill with different side ingredients. My mom and I both questioned that, but the pharmacy people acted like that was nothing major or unusual and was just the way it was. Well, I took my very first dose of that new version of my pill yesterday - and yesterday evening was the only time I've ever experienced an aura in my entire life.
This is one reason why I dislike most doctors, pharmacists, and especially the pharmaceutical industry and how they handle pills (to make money). Do they really think it's no big deal to suddenly just switch someone's pill to a different generic version with different ingredients? The fact of the matter is they probably just don’t care. What do they care about one individual who for about a month after starting her first pill had serious sleep issues and less passion and less inspiration and felt far more like, 'oh whatever' about a lot of things then she had ever felt before in her life. I spent significant time napping and not caring as much as usual about most things. Then my body finally acclimates itself to that pill; I'm finally getting back to feeling passionate, artistic, energetic, productive and active again. THEN they randomly switch my pill to a new pill.
Fortunately, on the definite plus side, my mom did some research for me last night/this morning (I can’t research pills too much myself or I would probably freak out while reading about all their potential side effects and just stop taking them), found out I’d had an aura due to my sudden pill switch, and called a different pharmacy who seemed surprised that the other one had randomly switched my pill - and they agreed to give me the old version of my pill today - so I got it, took it, and feel fine now, albeit a little overly tired and achy.
It was sure a scary little unexpected episode last night though - especially when I couldn't see the numbers or letters or shape of my phone for an extended time period and thought I might be suddenly losing my eye site...then more of my brain...and then my life, unable to even make contact with anyone to try to help me. Hopefully something like that will never happen again, although if it does, at least next time, I will have an idea what is happening to a certain extent; thus even though it would still be very uncomfortable, unlikable and somewhat scary, I think I would be able to convince myself I wasn’t dying.
In any case, it sure felt like an oddly extreme, uncomfortable brain related mess last night, especially considering I had only taken half a dose of the new version of my pill thus far. It really makes me feel sorry for people who have to take higher dosage versions of that pill and/or a multitude of different pills and then experience a negative side effect and not even know which pill it’s coming from.
2/24/12
2/14/12
Happy Poetry Love!
In case you missed it a couple days ago, Happy Peculiar Valentine's Day/Anti-Valentine's Day from Thirteen Myna Birds! A darkly delicious new update is ready for you to lick up, with new offerings by Lauren Eggert-Crowe, Ken Poyner, Valerie Loveland, Joseph Goosey, & John Grey.
http://13myna.blogspot.com/
In case you missed it earlier this month, Valentine's Day/Anti-Valentine's Day might be a wonderful time to read some Poetry Crush: Valentine Poems (favorite erotic poems chosen by other poets)!
http://poetrycrush.com/2012/02/05/poetry-crush-valentine-issue/
http://13myna.blogspot.com/
In case you missed it earlier this month, Valentine's Day/Anti-Valentine's Day might be a wonderful time to read some Poetry Crush: Valentine Poems (favorite erotic poems chosen by other poets)!
http://poetrycrush.com/2012/02/05/poetry-crush-valentine-issue/
2/13/12
Little Love Words Question
What do you call your favorite man or woman & why?
http://voices.yahoo.com/little-love-words-question-10955552.html?cat=9
http://voices.yahoo.com/little-love-words-question-10955552.html?cat=9
2/12/12
A Dream Involving Family & Poetry
I don’t remember all the details of this dream, but my immediate family members had decided to create a poetry book (possibly for Valentine’s Day?), including three poems by each of us. Or at least by each of the women; I don’t remember seeing my dad or any husbands in this dream.
It was handled as if this was a literary magazine project and one of my sisters was the editor. We had to send our poetry submissions to her. Instead of responding by email or mail though, during a family event, she announced that every one’s poems had been accepted, except for mine.
At first I didn’t say anything other than a fake overly friendly sounding ‘okay’.
But then I decided to stand up and openly state that I knew it was because my family didn’t like my CONTENT. After all, I was the only family member with a degree in creative writing, who frequently submitted my poetry and frequently had it accepted for publication – and now, none of my family members liked my poetic content enough to accept me – and none of them were even poets! None of them read contemporary poetry or wrote/submitted poetry EXCEPT for this one family project – but apparently even though I AM a poet, I didn’t fit in to the family project idea of poetry.
As I gave this announcement, they all looked at me and each other as if any regular person would know that my content was over the top, unacceptable, unlikeable, and OFFENSIVE.
I left the room, but could still hear my mom and sister whispering about how my offensive content did not fit into this family.
***
(This sounds like more of a ‘not fitting in to the family’ dream as opposed to a ‘poetry rejection’ dream, because for the most part, if some publication does not relate to/like/accept my poetry, I don’t really care all that much, since plenty of others do. BUT ever since I was a teenager, part of me has felt like I don’t really fit in, including to my own family and I do really care about/love my family, and I AM really passionate about my poetry, so it was an interesting fusion.
I’m not sure quite sure where it came from though, because it’s not like I’ve been having any family issues or poetry issues related to me personally recently. I mean it’s true that my family members do not really relate to my poetry, but it’s not like they talk negatively about me because of that or call me overly offensive.
Maybe the dream was partially inspired by my Valentine’s Day ‘what is love and what are true, in-depth relationships’ thoughts and questions and the fact that I have been recently thinking about the next Blood Pudding Press collaborative project.)
It was handled as if this was a literary magazine project and one of my sisters was the editor. We had to send our poetry submissions to her. Instead of responding by email or mail though, during a family event, she announced that every one’s poems had been accepted, except for mine.
At first I didn’t say anything other than a fake overly friendly sounding ‘okay’.
But then I decided to stand up and openly state that I knew it was because my family didn’t like my CONTENT. After all, I was the only family member with a degree in creative writing, who frequently submitted my poetry and frequently had it accepted for publication – and now, none of my family members liked my poetic content enough to accept me – and none of them were even poets! None of them read contemporary poetry or wrote/submitted poetry EXCEPT for this one family project – but apparently even though I AM a poet, I didn’t fit in to the family project idea of poetry.
As I gave this announcement, they all looked at me and each other as if any regular person would know that my content was over the top, unacceptable, unlikeable, and OFFENSIVE.
I left the room, but could still hear my mom and sister whispering about how my offensive content did not fit into this family.
***
(This sounds like more of a ‘not fitting in to the family’ dream as opposed to a ‘poetry rejection’ dream, because for the most part, if some publication does not relate to/like/accept my poetry, I don’t really care all that much, since plenty of others do. BUT ever since I was a teenager, part of me has felt like I don’t really fit in, including to my own family and I do really care about/love my family, and I AM really passionate about my poetry, so it was an interesting fusion.
I’m not sure quite sure where it came from though, because it’s not like I’ve been having any family issues or poetry issues related to me personally recently. I mean it’s true that my family members do not really relate to my poetry, but it’s not like they talk negatively about me because of that or call me overly offensive.
Maybe the dream was partially inspired by my Valentine’s Day ‘what is love and what are true, in-depth relationships’ thoughts and questions and the fact that I have been recently thinking about the next Blood Pudding Press collaborative project.)
LOVE?
Losing people who I thought were incredibly important, significant, and meaningful within my life really hurts me and causes me to question all kinds of things (including question myself – thinking ‘am I not good enough?’ and ‘did I not try hard enough?’).
I don’t desire to feel incredibly strongly about or committed to someone who will suddenly/quickly feel less strongly about me.
I don’t desire someone who takes more than he gives (creatively, professionally, or in any sort of relationship way) and/or who does not truly appreciate what he receives. I think that taking more than giving comes too close to chewing everything/everyone up and then suddenly spitting it out without really caring.
On a somewhat different but semi-related note, the phrase ‘what if I lose everything?’ sure as heck does not make me think about money. It makes me think about brain power, passion, caring and LOVE. Those are the kinds of things I do not want to lose, even (especially) in the midst of challenging/troubling/difficult times in my life.
I DO desire a uniquely powerful, caring, giving, loving, extra-special someone who is a true taste sensation, a wonderful treat, a gorgeous feast that will last & last.
I don’t desire to feel incredibly strongly about or committed to someone who will suddenly/quickly feel less strongly about me.
I don’t desire someone who takes more than he gives (creatively, professionally, or in any sort of relationship way) and/or who does not truly appreciate what he receives. I think that taking more than giving comes too close to chewing everything/everyone up and then suddenly spitting it out without really caring.
On a somewhat different but semi-related note, the phrase ‘what if I lose everything?’ sure as heck does not make me think about money. It makes me think about brain power, passion, caring and LOVE. Those are the kinds of things I do not want to lose, even (especially) in the midst of challenging/troubling/difficult times in my life.
I DO desire a uniquely powerful, caring, giving, loving, extra-special someone who is a true taste sensation, a wonderful treat, a gorgeous feast that will last & last.
2/11/12
Happy Peculiar Valentine's Day/Anti-Valentine's Day from Thirteen Myna Birds!
A new update is ready for you to lick up, with offerings by Lauren Eggert-Crowe, Ken Poyner, Valerie Loveland, Joseph Goosey, & John Grey.
"We had been thinking the exhibit was about love, but…on the black curtain, words ripple…nerves branch like lightning… inflating the tulle… ghosts of rain… a snowflake of consummate & varied value… my ear against the mottled blue…flames leaping from his eyes"
2/6/12
Poetry Crush
Check out the uniquely multifaceted and interesting Poetry Crush: Valentine Issue (in which a number of Hyacinth Girl Press poets share their favorite erotic poems) -
http://poetrycrush.com/
I chose a poem by Lynn Crosbie and here was my small intro as to why -
"For me, in-depth intensity is far more erotic than semi-casual flinging. In recent years, my desire for powerful intensity is borderline brimming with uncertainty and unknowing related to ebbing and flowing, but that doesn’t make it dissipate. I desire a new beginning, filled with a large scale, all kinds of strange tales and talismans, and strong sails. I crave a strange power to affix me, lift me up, and wet me into creatively drenched, passionate, powerful, deliciously visceral terrain."
******
On a semi-related note, as I was thinking about what poem to choose for this project and reading quite a few poems that I seemed to remember really liking and finding oddly erotic in the past, I discovered that a lot of those poems now struck me as interestingly kinky but definitely not erotic in any sort of loving, positive, powerful way.
Perhaps I used to be more sexually turned on by controlling/being controlled and playing around with dominant/submissive quirks, but not anymore - especially if that sexual experimentation seems like some sort of unemotional game or borderline uncaring mini-torture.
I then thought of a poetry-based interview I participated in some months back, in which I wrote -
"Content wise, my influences have often included, in one form or another: eating/being eaten, fetish-ism, desire, horror, and deviation from the norm/not fitting in to a mold.
If I re-read some older poems of mine with darkly fetishistic slants, I feel like some of their content is filled with kinky desires; unsure whether I want to control or be controlled.
More recently, although still interested in kinky desires, I do not want to control anyone else or be controlled by anyone else on any large scale. I want to be myself - and ideally, I want others to like and desire me for being myself."
If interested, you can read more here -
http://voices.yahoo.com/profiles-poetics-juliet-cook-9134663.html?cat=72
http://poetrycrush.com/
I chose a poem by Lynn Crosbie and here was my small intro as to why -
"For me, in-depth intensity is far more erotic than semi-casual flinging. In recent years, my desire for powerful intensity is borderline brimming with uncertainty and unknowing related to ebbing and flowing, but that doesn’t make it dissipate. I desire a new beginning, filled with a large scale, all kinds of strange tales and talismans, and strong sails. I crave a strange power to affix me, lift me up, and wet me into creatively drenched, passionate, powerful, deliciously visceral terrain."
******
On a semi-related note, as I was thinking about what poem to choose for this project and reading quite a few poems that I seemed to remember really liking and finding oddly erotic in the past, I discovered that a lot of those poems now struck me as interestingly kinky but definitely not erotic in any sort of loving, positive, powerful way.
Perhaps I used to be more sexually turned on by controlling/being controlled and playing around with dominant/submissive quirks, but not anymore - especially if that sexual experimentation seems like some sort of unemotional game or borderline uncaring mini-torture.
I then thought of a poetry-based interview I participated in some months back, in which I wrote -
"Content wise, my influences have often included, in one form or another: eating/being eaten, fetish-ism, desire, horror, and deviation from the norm/not fitting in to a mold.
If I re-read some older poems of mine with darkly fetishistic slants, I feel like some of their content is filled with kinky desires; unsure whether I want to control or be controlled.
More recently, although still interested in kinky desires, I do not want to control anyone else or be controlled by anyone else on any large scale. I want to be myself - and ideally, I want others to like and desire me for being myself."
If interested, you can read more here -
http://voices.yahoo.com/profiles-poetics-juliet-cook-9134663.html?cat=72
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