11/15/12

Relationship Shape Shifters


I don’t have any particular sexual fetishes (although researching fetishes and hearing about other people’s and even experiencing other people’s sometimes turns me on), but if I did have a small fetish, I think it might be sharing lots of details about me to lots of different people.  Too much information sharing, by some people’s standards.

I’m not talking about details like bank account, phone number sort of stuff.

I’m talking about personal brain wave details related to my true thoughts and feelings and artistic passions and forces and sources and leanings.

Of course there are exceptions. For example, I don’t think people should be frequently forcefully blurting themselves out in other people’s faces or spaces.  But within their own space, I think people should often feel free to express themselves as frequently and as openly as they choose.

And on a semi-related note, why should a strong, deep, in-depth romantic relationship be kept a secret?

Maybe some people have fetishist slants towards the gleeful joy of secrecy.

Not me.  For the most part I don’t desire to be kept a secret .  It  makes me feel like I’m hidden in a back room, waiting for him to be in the right mood for me.  Or like I’m frequently put on hold and sometimes I barely even exist inside his brain.  Or like I’m not powerful or important enough to be anything ongoing.

If he acts like I’m incredibly special and meaningful, but only does so in front of me and keeps it secret in front of others, how is that supposed to make me feel?

(Like a strange underwater pearl?  Like a broken treasure lifted up and soon to be thrown back down?)

It makes me feel like he might be interested in/communicating with quite a few DIFFERENT women, so he doesn’t want to make any ONE of those women openly public. To me, that’s okay as long as he’s straightforwardly honest about it – and isn’t secretly acting as if each ONE is his favorite, when he actually has several different favorites. 

If he says he doesn’t know what to tell me, does that mean he doesn’t relate to honest, open, ongoing communication anymore?

Obviously every two people have some similar interests and some differences (and it’s a matter of how those outweigh each other). In any case, I think it’s important to be yourself and express yourself your way. I mean what the heck is the point of diving yourself in with a partner if you faked it at the beginning? Unless it’s your latest sexual experiment – or unless you feel like staying committed to fakery all your life. 

If you exaggerate what you are/are not interested in, depending on the interests of your latest partner, what the heck is that all about?  For example, she’s not a religious type; she might have her own spiritual leanings, but they’re not related to standard church and god stuff – so you’re not a traditionally religious person either; in fact you’ll downright make fun of overly religious types.  Until your next partner is god-loving and suddenly you love god too.  Either that or you’re a sudden shape shifter.

You've suddenly shifted towards the next partners leanings and are no wearing a fake cross necklace.  

What happens when that cross breaks?