The first Thirteen Myna Birds flock of 2024 is HERE!

The first Thirteen Myna Birds flock of 2024 is HERE! https://13myna.blogspot.com/

Offering a twisted mass of poetry by A.M. Potter, D.E. Shupe, Joshua St. Claire, Diane Funston, Taylor Nuñez, Wayne F Burke, and Ken Poyner!

"My guts are bleeding and I'm lonely - Winter is a dragon not long slain - The clay is cracking, flaking, peeling - melody died in my throat - love is an abandoned ship - God's love is abuse - carries dissonance in fifths - cutting it up in slivers makes everyone spill their hearts out - the bleached phalanges of a trembling, titanic hand - only those ghastly phalanges know - enigmas dance behind forever closed eyelids - move through deep space in a planetary system - My hands are bound by a sky that has been dark for days - Soon, the metal, plastic And foam might appear - The radiator cries, but all else is still - the hourglass stops crying - The sky has been dark for days - as I pray for light to break the grey..."

obsessively cold day

I got my brain a little overly worked up and worried (and obsessive and borderline paranoid) about the weather last night.

I opened most of my cupboards, hoping that none of my pipes would get frozen or burst. I turned my heat up one extra degree, just in case I LOST my heat, so that my house wouldn't quickly turn freezing.

Early Wednesday morning is my neighborhood's trash pick up day and I wasn't sure if I should even put my trash can out, because in addition to the coldness and wind chill, I wasn't sure if it was going to be too windy and I certainly did not want to walk around in the freezing cold looking for a trash can that got blown away. I probably wouldn't have even put it out, but my parents had stuck a big trash bag of theirs into my trash can - and since I only have one trash can now (do to my other one blowing away a few weeks ago), if I had not put it out this week, I would have accumulated too much garbage to fit in my one trash can next week. So I ended up taking it out earlier than usual, before it got really cold, but then I kept obsessively checking the weather and worrying about it blowing away.

Then I got myself so obsessed and paranoid about the weather (while reading warnings about frostbite and hypothermia and death) that I started over-worrying/over-imagining what if I went outside to bring my trash back in, had a seizure while outside in minus zero temps with -30 wind chill, passed out in the snow, and died.

I don't even like snow.

Snow is my idea of hell, because it escalates the obsessive anxious bad parts of my brain (what if this happens? what if this happens? what if this happens? what if this happens? what if? what if? what if? what if? what if?).

(I've also had some what if? what if? what if? uncomfortable thoughts going on about my health lately, but I don't feel like typing about that.) 

At least I was able to work some of my obsessively wind chill focused brain waves into some poem lines late last night.

I also kept thinking (and still am) about homeless people being outside during these temperatures.

I didn't sleep very well last night. I think I had been in bed for about two hours before some odd sound woke me up. It sounded like something was repeatedly rattling and rolling around outside and I was worried it was my trash can, and I couldn't fall back asleep.

On at least two different occasions, I got up, put on a coat, hat, and thick gloves, and went outside to open my garage door and check that my trash can was still intact where I had placed it. It was, so I'm not sure what was repeatedly rolling around. Then a few hours later, still barely sleeping, I heard the garbage truck coming by, so I put my hat and coat and gloves on again and moved my emptied trash can into my garage.

After that, I was able to sleep a LITTLE better.

Shortly after I got up, I looked out my screen door window and saw another empty trash can (not mine) down on the ground in front of the side door of my garage, so then I wasn't sure whether to go outside again and put that one in my garage too or just leave it where it was. I ended up going out and moving it a little farther forward (instead of leaving it right in front of my side door) so that hopefully whoever's can it was might see it there. I probably would have put it in my garage if it had been windy, but it wasn't too windy at that point in time, and hopefully it doesn't get all windy tonight and blow onto the street and cause a car accident, because I don't want to go outside again, and risk having a seizure in the snow.

Yes this is how my brain works sometimes, but at least it didn't escalate to the point of panic mode.

little cold spell

suddenly feeling rather tired and glum. I think a bird somehow broke a leg or a wing or is dying from the cold outside of my house, because last time I opened my front door to take my dog outside for a few minutes, as soon as we stepped out, a bird flung itself up from the ground and started partly flying around the porch, repeatedly hitting its head. I quickly moved my dog back inside and closed the door, because the bird had no sense of direction and I certainly didn't need it to accidentally bang/fly itself into my house because then what? it clearly wasn't flying right, so now I'm imagining it freezing to death outside. i've heard other odd little banging sounds outside my house today; maybe it was the dying bird.  maybe i'm just feeling cold and tired and small as if sometimes my well-meaning and time-consuming projects don't mean very much. and/or maybe I'm suddenly feeling overly bummed by the cold dying bird even though it doesn't ultimately mean very much. and/or maybe I'm just feeling tired but as if I didn't get enough done today and so going to bed already would seem dull and like i'm suddenly broken and who cares?