A face-focused rant (that nobody should read except for me - but
for some reason, I felt the need to write it) :
Not a fun day so far, although hopefully I can somehow manage to
improve it. I woke up with uncomfortably puffy, swollen, itchy eyes (not the
inside of my eyes; but the eyelids and the area underneath my eyes). It was
probably caused by my eye cream, although I've been using the same eye cream
for years, because it's been successful, but maybe they changed their
ingredients or maybe my annoying skin suddenly developed a new allergic
reaction or something.
When something unexpectedly unlikable happens, my mind has a
tendency to feel like it's my fault and like I did something wrong and then
after that, if it's anything body/skin related, I start worrying it might be
the sign of a serious health issue.
Part of the reason for that is because I too frequently follow
the accidental error system of looking up health-oriented stuff online and then
I end up mentally inundated with seriously scary possibilities.
So I woke up with swollen, itchy eyes and then I ended up
worrying that I had some form of Periorbital Edima (mainly because a guy's eye
in an online photo seemed to resemble what's going on with my eyes), which has
all kinds of different causes and effects, some of them not very serious, some
of them very serious (allergies, skin disorders, kidney issues, heart issues,
and something called periorbital cellulitus which is a serious skin condition
caused by infection and inflammation of the eyelid and the skin around the
eyes, which may require emergency treatment if symptoms last beyond two to
three days).
But I think suddenly developing a serious health-oriented eye
condition in less than one day seems to make even less sense than suddenly
suffering from some serious eye irritation caused by an eye cream in less than
one day, but what do I know? All I know is that I woke up with fucked up
looking, uncomfortable feeling, inflamed eyes and I must have somehow brought
it upon myself.
Puffy, swollen and uncomfortable eyelids and at the bottom of my
eyes too - and it looks like there's water retention there and why? Due to an
all natural eye cream I slathered on yesterday? I'm certainly not immune to
under eye bags and wrinkles (which is why I use the eye cream), but this is
more extreme. The bags look like little water retention balloons.
Part of me wants to buy a new eye cream, but what's the point?
All natural facial care products tend to be expensive and lately nothing I use
on my skin seems to have good results, so why spend 15 more bucks to fuck up my
skin even more with another natural product?
If my eyes still look/feel like this this weekend, then I won't
want to leave my house or do anything with anyone else. I'm upset because I
feel like in the last few months, I've been trying to do a slightly better job
than usual with my diet and my exercise, yet it's one annoying random side
effect after another lately. Am I being punished for my past mistakes or is
this a part of perimenopause or what? For several months, I had bloated stomach
discomfort - then shortly after that finally got better, I had some random
vaginal or urinary tract discomfort going on for a week - and today I wake up
with swollen eyes and I feel like a bad person.
Also, today I received a poetry rejection less than one day
after sending the submission and I'd blame that on my perimenopausal eyelids,
except that three of the poems were collaborations, so...
Anyway, time for my apparently pointless exercise routine, then
a shower, then making one of my apparently pointless smoothies, then trying to
get some stuff done that doesn't involve looking at my own eye area, which is
reminding me of nuts stuffed inside a squirrel mouth.
