I find it weirdly and uncomfortably bothersome when unvaccinated people post condolences about COVID deaths...

I find it weirdly and uncomfortably bothersome when unvaccinated people post condolences about COVID deaths. Not to say they're not bothered and upset by the death, but what do they think caused and perpetuated it? Something other than the COVID, from which they choose to stay unvaccinated? 

If after seeing other people they know (or family members or friends of people they know) die from COVID, they STILL don't bother getting vaccinated, what does that mean?

Is it because they think COVID can't affect them or they think the vaccine doesn't work (or has deadly side effects)?

Or because they tell themselves that all the people who die from COVID are old weaklings who were going to die anyway?

Or because they're too lazy to think and plan until something bad actually happens to them (and maybe still too lazy to think and plan even after something bad actually happens to someone they know)?

Or maybe they just don't really care? 

Of course everyone is going to die at some point, but who wants to die from something that could have been prevented (or made significantly milder) with a vaccine?

When big deaths turn into more little deaths...

Dreams last night involved pets dying. I don't remember the details of how my cat died, but I think it was some sort of illness that wasn't properly cared for because we were focused on something else. My friends sick mouse died because even though both of us had been paying careful attention to the sleeping area and pills laid out for it in its own little space, one of us forgot to shut the door on the way out and the next time we returned to the room to check on the sick mouse, it was gone and we knew it was dead. We realized one of us had forgotten to shut the door and I admitted it was me, even though I wasn't sure.

Even though the dream focused on small animals dying, when I woke up, I kept thinking about people making too many little mistakes and quick and easy assumptions about what is or isn't safe behavior during this ongoing virus. Such as people seeming to assume that it's reasonable to spend time in person with various other family members who don't live with them and seeming to think that they know what those other family members are doing elsewhere or whether those other family members own living environments (as well as those of other friends or family members they spend time with too) are reasonably and relatively safe, even if people aren't asking each other many questions and are choosing to make decisions based on guesses, assumptions, or a bare minimum of information, because it's easier that way.

When I was a kid and had a pet teddy bear hamster, my family was visiting a relative in another state and we couldn't take my pet with us. I overstocked its cage with extra food and water and put a book on the top of the cage, so the hamster couldn't somehow sneak itself out. When my family returned home from our trip, I almost immediately went to the hamster cage and somehow my pet had gotten out anyway. We searched the home and finally found her, huddled up in the corner of a lower kitchen cabinet, dead.

Me, November 2020, an uncomfortable month...

Me this month looking all whatever. Haven't had a salon haircut or dye for quite a while (close to a year?), but recently, my mom cut my bangs and trimmed the rest of my hair, out on my front porch, both of us with masks on. Later when I brought my black flower inside from the porch, there was a bunch of human hair hanging from the petals.

This month has felt like a pretty massive stress fest and I feel behind with everything (especially reading and writing), questioning humanity, anxious, worried, borderline depressed sometimes, physically uncomfortable with my own body, and fucked up.

Some people are annoying me to death with their clueless carelessness and lack of respect for others. I sort of want to get into more detail about that but I won't (yet).

Parts of me annoy myself too.

It bothers me that I haven't finished a new poem for a while or submitted much poetry (if any) this month. I have two assembled poetry chapbook manuscripts that are just sitting around inside my own computer, not being submitted anywhere. I should probably just publish one of them myself, but I don't know.

I'm thinking I might finish a new short series of poems sometime this week. I found a place I want to submit them too, but first I have to finish them.

I have some cool owl photos I took at a park a few weekends ago but haven't shared yet. Does anyone care about anyone other than themselves? I think some people do, some people don't. Maybe the owl does. I don't know.

Lately, I have a hard time going to bed and a hard time getting up.

I hate the idea of individual people suffering and dying in hospitals by themselves while tons of other people just don't seem to care very much.