Another side note related to the unsettling dream I had during a nap Sunday evening (in which three different times, I thought I had woken myself up, but then realized I was still stuck in the dream).
I had thought it was likely a lucid dream, but I just looked up lucid dreaming and the description was a little different than I remembered or thought, in that it seems like oftentimes with lucid dreams, you're aware that you're having a dream and can somewhat control the dream. Then I saw a description for what's referred to as a false awakening/vivid dream that seems closer to what I sometimes experience. Or perhaps a variation of both. But with me, in addition to not realizing I'm dreaming (until I wake up or shortly before that), I also can't control the dream, and have some trouble waking myself up (which is what makes it extra disturbing - not realizing I'm dreaming and thus not being able to wake myself up and then having more trouble than usual waking myself up even after I do realize - because with my more regular dreams, even if it's a disturbing or violent one, I am aware that it's a dream and do not usually have a huge problem waking myself up from it if I want to/choose to do so...)...
Part of some description of false awakening dreams (from Wikipedia):
"A false awakening is a vivid and convincing occurrence in a dream where one experiences awakening from sleep, though in reality continues to sleep. It is mostly associated with another dream, however it may occur as its own. After a false awakening, subjects often dream they are performing their daily morning routine such as showering or eating breakfast. False awakenings, mainly those in which one dreams that they have awoken from a sleep that featured dreams, take on aspects of a double dream or a dream within a dream...
Studies have shown that false awakening is closely related to lucid dreaming that often transforms into one another. The only differentiating feature between them is that the dreamer has a logical understanding of the dream in a lucid dream, while that is not the case in a false awakening.
Once one realizes they are falsely awakened, they either wake up or begin lucid dreaming."
Another personal example of one of these false awakening/vivid dreams was this time when I felt like I had woken up and gotten out of bed, but felt really off-kilter and edgy and like something was weirdly awry, but didn't know what or why and so I walked to my bedroom mirror to look and see if something was wrong with my face and then I saw these empty holes where my eyes used to be and I was like, "Oh my god, I have no eyes, my eyes are gone, what happened to my eyes!?!" But then I was like, "Wait, if I had no eyes, I wouldn't be able to look in the mirror and SEE that I had no eyes" and then I realized I was still stuck in some unsettling dream state, but even after realizing that, I had trouble waking myself up. That's the disturbing thing with these dreams for me. At first, I don't even realize it's a dream, but then even when I do, I have trouble opening my eyes and re-entering real life reality.
Another personal example (the first one I remember) was way back when I was in college and had my own individual dorm room. I felt like I had woken up but was walking around in circles in my room, feeling edgy and uncomfortable and didn't know why. I thought maybe what had woken me up was some sort of uncomfortable sound. I walked to my door to peak out the peephole and saw a man with a gun standing right outside my door and he was about to shoot me. But then I realized my door didn't actually have a peephole, which caused me to realize I was still stuck in a dream.
A more recent personal example would be a few years ago when I had a seizure in a dream (I didn't have a real seizure, it just happened in the dream, which has actually happened more than once, which sort of sucks, because my seizures are confusing enough in real life). When I have one of my seizures in real life, my brain is confused and discombobulated for about half an hour to an hour afterwards. At first, I don't know what day it is, I don't know what time it is, I don't remember what I was doing before it happened, I have trouble using my phone, I have more memory issues than usual and more word issues than usual and everything is confusing. Well the dream in which I had a seizure exaggerated that sort of stuff even more. I thought I'd had a seizure in bed and had woken myself up and was now trying to figure out what to do. My house was dark and confusing. I was having trouble seeing and there seemed to be a power outage with the lighting. Then I felt like someone was trying to break into my house from the garage, based on some sound I heard in the garage. Then I felt like maybe someone was already in my house because I walked into the main room to try to turn a light on and a light bulb had been removed and there was a broken balloon affixed to the area where that light bulb used to be and I hadn't put it there. This particular dream that I didn't realize was a dream had me seeing strange things in my own home and trying to hide or figure out what to do. I thought about going into my garage but I thought someone was in there. I thought about running out my front door, but then what? At the time, there was a great deal of snow on the ground and all I had on was my pajamas.
ANYWAY, this is getting too long, but part of what I'm saying is whatever these sort of dreams are (lucid dreams or false awakening/vivid dreams or some sort of combination), I don't realize it's a dream at first, and then I have a hard time waking myself up, and after that, I remember a lot of details from the dream including visuals and the visuals tend to be pretty realistic and associated with my own space and it's a little too creepazoidacle, but at least I can somehow incorporate it into some poetry?
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