I do not desire to ‘go with the flow’ that causes me to feel like an unimportant back burner - that sinks me to the bottom again.

I do not desire to feel like a last minute MAYBE.To feel like I am not particularly important to anyone anymore.  Like I’m not very special or very valuable or very fun anymore. Like soon my back burner might become broken down burner might become irksome witchety grub burden.

I am fine with expecting the unexpected CREATIVELY.  I am fine with occasional changes of plans/changes of pace.  But when I’m starting to feel as if the majority of my real life plans are ebbing rather than flowing, then the word ‘go with the flow’ starts to seem worse, more witch sinking.

Maybe I should just give up on advance planning attempts, since they often don’t materialize lately. Maybe I should give up on in-depth friendship. Maybe I should give up on long term relationships.

Maybe I should somehow just get used to being a back burner – and turn myself into some sort of witchy back burner.  Some sort of poisonous witch brooming burnt cunt cake.