1/25/17

A Rape Dream, Inspired by Our New president

Couldn't sleep well last night; am up way too early for me, with less than 6 hours of sleep (or I guess I should say with less than 6 hours of lying in bed). I seemed to keep having this ongoing dream that involved being stuck in a giant (multi-floor, multi-room per floor) house owned by a man who was giving me a highly untrustworthy vibe. The man wasn't someone I knew in real life; he was this large muscle man with creepy energy that resembled a younger version of Arnold Schwarzenegger. You know, the guy whose older version is now starring in the remake of The Apprentice.

At some point in the dream, my mind realized that this guy's intent was to rape me (or to try to instigate sex  and if I didn't say yes, it would lead to forced sex rape), so I was trying to figure out how best to escape this house and this space I wasn't very familiar with, and I was thinking about how I wouldn't even know what to do if I did manage to get out.

Find the house next door and ask them to take me somewhere else because I didn't feel safe? What if I didn't feel safe in the house next door either? What if they asked me what had happened at the house I had left? What was I supposed to say? That nothing had happened YET, but I could tell that the man who lived there was going to rape me? What since would that make to them, even if I knew it was true? What if they didn't believe me?  What if they thought I was lying? What if they asked me why I was even in that house?

When I awoke, I started wondering/thinking about where this dream was even coming from. It's not like I've felt physically intimidated by any man RECENTLY, so why am I having a bad dream about potential rape?

Then it occurred to me that even though he hasn't intimidated me on a personal level (as in personal to the point of his body right in front of my face), the recent Trump presidency and some people being fine with it is disturbing as fuck to part of my brain. I've had to zone out about it and joke about it, in between the intimidated, pissed off, and pissed on spells, the angry, sad, and worried spells, so that I don't have extreme stress overload. Along those lines, what likely led to my rape dream was our new president and the anti-abortion executive order that he signed Monday.

I'm not an anti-man sort of woman and I'm not an anti-sex sort of woman, but I wouldn't be surprised that if abortion backtracks into the land of being illegal, this will cause a lot of women to feel way less inclined to have sex for the next 4 years, if they would not be okay with an accidental pregnancy and being legally obligated to give birth even if they didn't want a child.

It seems to me that a lot of men (especially conservative political asshats and those who support them) don't care one way or the other about female opinions, female choices, female empowerment or female rights to their own bodies. Trump only seems to care about the way female bodies look; not the rights of those bodies; not the minds inside those bodies.

Furthermore, it seems to me that a lot of non-political regular men don't really care one way or the other about birth control and expect the woman to be in charge of that. Even a guy who is perfectly fine with wearing a condom sometimes has to be convinced to put it on, in the heat of the moment.

And condoms sometimes rip. And other forms of birth control sometimes fail to work, even if used regularly and correctly. I think most women have had numerous pregnancy scares and quite a few women have gotten accidentally pregnant at least once, even if they're not careless about sex.

My mind can backtrack to my college days, when I first became sexually active and also had an irregular period and was freaked out about the prospect of accidentally getting pregnant. Sometimes my period would start a week or two later than expected for no apparent reason and I'd be mentally freaking that I had somehow ended up getting impregnated. I always had the man use condoms, but when my period was late, I'd start wondering if I had accidentally gotten pregnant some other way. Like maybe before the sex actually became penetrative, some pre-cum had somehow managed to work its way into my body. Like maybe I should stay away from physical contact with anyone who has a penis that ever emits any bit of pre-cum. Because if I ever got accidentally pregnant than I'd either have to get an abortion or give birth to a child I did not want. And either way, even if I regularly used birth control, it would be all my fault, for being a sexually active female who had no desire for a baby.  If abortions are illegal, I guess that means that the only valid reason for sex is procreation and that nobody should become sexually active unless they're perfectly fine with becoming a parent with whoever they get physical with.

Let's say a casual couple have sex with birth control that fails to work and accidentally get pregnant. They'd have to suddenly switch from a casual couple to a couple who has to get extremely serious and decide whether or not they want to have a child together for the rest of their lives or whether she wants to have an abortion. If abortion is illegal, then there is no choice in the matter, at least not a legal, healthy choice. Your condom ripped, you accidentally got pregnant, now you either have to have a child together for the rest of your life, even if the two of you had no particular intention of being together for the rest of your lives OR you have to illegally abort yourself. Let's say you were raped. You either have to birth the baby of a disgusting rapist pig and deal with that for the rest of your life or you have to convince a court room that you were raped and didn't somehow bring it upon yourself.