New Thirteen Myna Birds Guts

NEW Thirteen Myna Birds is hot and raw and red and bloody and sexy and strange - filled with peculiar offerings by J. Strife-Burgos, Adam Miller, Joseph Goosey, Shane Joaquin Jimenez, Tim Queen, and Roger Leatherwood here: http://13myna.blogspot.com/

“Shroud your guts in red things - duct-taped at each corner - I was a fool to think I had shifted - a trolley of surgical instruments - on her drowned lips - skin to silk - pale as a saint - my secret colors - sweet sacred venom - the music and the blood”

Reverting back to child circles

Sometimes it's frustrating, my brain feeling like it retracted back to how it was when I was a little girl. I was brimming with creative flow, but could visualize my ideas/thoughts/feelings/creative concepts better than I could figure out how to express them the way I wanted to with words.

Over the years I worked my brain up to become uniquely, precisely, descriptively expressive in my own chosen word-based way - but then I lost some brain power. In more recent years, my mental uniqueness did not disappear, but the precision of my word-based expressive abilities dissipated.

Negatively speaking, sometimes it really bums me out that I can no longer express things as well and specifically as I used to.

Positively speaking, sometimes I try to craft my visuals into a different form of art, whether or not I can explain it with words.

Semi-neutral speaking, I don't really know what to do with these other forms of art. (I can creatively entitle them.)

I remember myself down in the dark, dank basement, telling myself fast visual-based stories inside my own head (but unable to extract them with words out of my own head), walking around in circles. 

drain

Today i am feeling drained and uncertain about everything. What should I be focusing on? What shouldn't I be focusing on? Why? I don't know. Having one of my 'what is the point' of working on this, this, this, and this or ANYTHING days. I can't stay on top of it all; i can't stay in between it all. So far I've gotten a few tiny things done and don't even know how I feel about them. Maybe i would go back to bed, except that I already slept for 9 hours. August is a busy month for me and i guess i don't do good with business, because the very concept of staying on top of packing for two different trips, preparing for my dog, cleaning my house, sticking with my new exercise routine, and working on poetry stuff just seems too overwhelming for me, drains me, makes me feel like what is the point of anything? i'm not a good multitasker, i wish I had more energy, but I don't. I used to feel much more energetic; where did my energy go? Tiny little things suck my energy and drain me into feeling like relatively nothing.