I reorganized the look of this site a bit, particularly the right hand side bar, to hopefully be a tad more user-friendly. I also added a couple sections for my local content articles and travel articles. Hopefully, I'll be adding more content to those sections soon. In the meantime, if you desire to read more articles by yours truly, might I recommend that you pay a visit to the Blood Pudding Press blog (just click that lovely bloody telekinetic female to your right) and check out THAT right hand side bar for my little section called 'my reviews of others etc...' for a small plethora of book review writing and more.
As far as my FAVORITE kind of writing, poetry, I am slowly but surely working my way through the reading of the Dusie Issue 8 e-book (see previous entry), plus reading newly acquired print chapbooks by Laura Goldstein and Kate Durbin. Yay! Oh and I am also very delighted to report that three more of my designer vaginas have been chosen. They will be published in the upcoming second anniversary issue of the ever splendiferous diode! Woohoo! That makes four designer vaginas accepted, seven designer vaginas still in circulation, and probably at least a few more as-yet-to-be-written designer vaginas.
However, I think today's creative time is going to be pretty well used up with finishing a DIY feminist poetry publishing article and a Labor Day drinks article, designing chapbooks, sending out a Blood Pudding Press announcement, etc... Plus, I won a free ticket to a local concert tonight (The Crystal Method at BOMA) so am going to that. Busy not to be confused with busty. Also grappling with more job-related angst, but I'll keep that topic to myself for now.
7/29/09
DUSIE DOOZY
I'm on page 307 in the doozy of a Dusie Issue 8!
http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/6654316-dusie-issue-8
with a little ditty called "Midwestern Gothic".
This is a whopper of a literary magazine, with all kinds of multfarious materials to read. So far, I'm only on page 85, so much exciting reading awaits!
It's a free, downloadable e-book. After you click the link above, you'll see a little box of information about Dusie Issue 8. Look to the right of that box for the download button.
Enjoy!
http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/6654316-dusie-issue-8
with a little ditty called "Midwestern Gothic".
This is a whopper of a literary magazine, with all kinds of multfarious materials to read. So far, I'm only on page 85, so much exciting reading awaits!
It's a free, downloadable e-book. After you click the link above, you'll see a little box of information about Dusie Issue 8. Look to the right of that box for the download button.
Enjoy!
7/28/09
reviews and search terms
Review copies of the latest Blood Pudding Press chapbook, At night, the dead: by Lisa Ciccarello are now available via The Chapbook Review.
Review copies of a couple of my own chapbooks--MONDO CRAMPO (dusie kollektiv) and PINK LEOTARD & SHOCK COLLAR (Spooky Girlfriend Press) are also available there.
Check out these and other review copies and do consider writing a chapbook review.
http://thechapbookreview.com/submission-guidelines/available-for-review/
*
A few search terms that led to this blog today:
"misshapen sex"
&
"melts like a witch"
&
"men leotard"
Review copies of a couple of my own chapbooks--MONDO CRAMPO (dusie kollektiv) and PINK LEOTARD & SHOCK COLLAR (Spooky Girlfriend Press) are also available there.
Check out these and other review copies and do consider writing a chapbook review.
http://thechapbookreview.com/submission-guidelines/available-for-review/
*
A few search terms that led to this blog today:
"misshapen sex"
&
"melts like a witch"
&
"men leotard"
7/25/09
cross-posting from the bloody ooze
I just happened upon a bad review of the 2008 Blood Pudding Press poetry chapbook w i n g'd by Kyle Simonsen. Personally, I love this book (which I suppose is not surprising since I published it; Blood Pudding Press is my own small press). Indeed, I recently reread it for my own pleasure and liked it just as much as I did more than a year ago. Not so for coldfront reviewer Melinda Wilson. She was very much less than impressed.
The review kind of irked me. At least it was a thoughtful review. I looked at the reviewer's bio--she is the managing editor of coldfront (the reputable and multifaceted poetry book review site where this review was published), seems to be a pretty prolific reviewer who is willing to speak her own truth (and I think that honesty is definitely a good trait in a book reviewer; I don't wish for ass-kissy, back-scratchy, schmoozy book reviewers), and is a published poet herself. All good traits. Still, the review left me with the vibe that she was being a little too quick to dismiss just because the material of this chapbook inhabits a style that annoys her personally. I mean obviously having one's own personal preferences and pet peeves in poetry makes sense, but just because something doesn't mesh with one's own stylistic preferences, does that mean it's weak or bad?
For example, it would seem that this reviewer does not care for artifice or pop culture references and I happen to like that kind of hoopla. She talks about the first poem in the collection and being put off as soon as she hits the Kevin Federline reference. She remarks that KFed was a cliche long ago. Well, I would agree that few people want to see his mug on reality TV these days, but in this case he's in a poem and in a doe's mouth. How is he a cliche in that context? I've never seen him in a doe's mouth in real life. In fact, in real life, I didn't even think that deer were carnivorous or particularly predatory. They're certainly not man-eaters. Yet in the first poem in Kyle Simonsen's collection, we have a deer that is carrying KFed off to some nefarious fate and the speaker of the poem, despite his own mixed feelings, misgivings, and personal disdain for KFed (or what KFed respresents) ultimately saves him anyway. To me, part of what this poem presents is a warped natural landscape infiltrated by media influences, yet at the end humanity rises above--or does it?
To me, this poem and most of the others in Simonsen's collection are a provocative amalgamation of the natural world being encroached upon by more insidious superficial and fictive elements and vice versa. It's a strange fusion of humans and other animals and machines--each of which swap traits at some points and become monstrous in one way or another and encroach upon each other. I think the collection offers some apt commentary on contemporary culture with its confused intersections of reality and fictive media, celebrity idolatry, the steamrolling of corporate rhythms, and an underlying primal longing to get back to a more natural state--but perhaps it's too late; perhaps even that natural state has been corrupted by carnivorous deer and other mutant life forms and giant billboards shedding their skins into the earth like sex-selling snakes.
Of course the landscape of these poems is warped, because they're reflecting a warped landscape. I don't know whether or not KFed is a cliche when it comes to poetry, but I do know that reality TV show culture continues to proliferate and permeate and so I think it is apt that the first poem in this collection makes reference to certain celebrity fixtures, including a rather undesirable reality TV kind of creep and his insidious seep into public consciousness. Are poets just supposed to ignore all the warped stimulus creeping in on us and focus on more serious stuff? I don't think so. What is serious anyway? What is important anyway? Sometimes I like art that reflects the messed up landscape of contempo culture and does so creatively and I think that Simonsen's work fits the bill.
The reviewer also objected to what she perceived as extraneous cleverness in the collection. I don't consider myself a fan of clever either, but maybe we have differing definitions of cleverness. To me, cleverness is kind of like soul-less crossword puzzle wordplay, whereas I find Simonsen's work to be both uniquely visceral and emotionally resonant in its own way. The reviewer read the author bio first and was immediately put off by Simonsen's reference to tentacles. Maybe she thought it was gimmicky. Maybe she likes more serious author bios. She was also put off by the Table of Contents, which she initially read as a nonsensical poem. No, that was just the Table of Contents with a title other than Table of Contents. I like to use alternative titles for Tables of Contents because I think the phrase Table of Contents is boring. Is a fellow poet really so confused by re-naming? I think it's a creative little flourish; she probably thinks it's a bell or whistle.
Another part of the review that really bothered me wasn't even about Simonsen's poetic material; it was this remark in regards to my own copy about Blood Pudding Press:
So, I move on to find out a bit more about Blood Pudding Press. “Interests of the press include horrific confection, provocative frisson, and ribbon bindery.” All bells and whistles. This type of overwrought, flamboyant self-presentation takes away from the art and makes a show of itself in its feeble attempt to be different. All I can hope is that a similar “artistry” isn’t involved in the poems.
Call me an insecure narcissist in the grip of a warped and self-absorbed simultaneous superiority/inferiority complex, but this harsh assessment kind of makes me feel like I'm being labeled as a fake artist who has nothing but gimmicks to rely upon. However, I don't think that's the case. I think my description there is just my style. I think it's poetic, connotative, and evocative in my own weird way. But no matter what I think, I have to admit that the phrase 'feeble attempt' stings and hurts my feelings.
Stylistic differences? Maybe. One woman's opinion? Maybe. I certainly appreciate anyone taking the time to carefully read a Blood Pudding Press offering and devise a thoughtful review even if the reviewer's opinion substantially differs from my own. The tone of the review makes me feel a bit dismissed, though. Even the title of the review is 'bells and whistles' and that seems to sum up the reviewer's assessment--that Blood Pudding Press's style of presentation and Kyle Simonsen's poetry revolve around bells and whistles.
But maybe one woman's bells and whistles are another woman's legitimate artistic flourishes. I just peeled off my lime green fishnet knee highs. Were those bells and whistles? Now I'm wearing my lavender vintage stewardess dress. Is that a bell and whistle? Is the fact that I'm writing about what I'm wearing right now a bell and whistle? If I don't meet certain standards of so-called highbrow academic seriousness, am I a bell and whistle? I don't know. Maybe you can read the review for yourself and let me know what you think. Perhaps it will stimulate some interesting dialogue. Or click the second link to find out more about Simonsen's collection and read that for yourself (only ten copies left!). Or click the third link to read more about my take on artifice. Or click the fourth link and read Kyle Simonsen’s own response to the review. Or eat my stockings and puke up green netting and find out if there's a mangled bird inside.
http://reviews.coldfrontmag.com/wingd-by-kyle-simonsen.html
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=26830539
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/1309951/whats_wrong_with_artifice.html?cat=38
http://thecrimsonninja.xanga.com/706654843/on-a-review-of-wingd/
*
In other news, dog warts:
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/1979686/oh_no_not_dog_warts.html?cat=53
Yeah, that's right.
*
In other news, some lucky duck happened upon this blog today via the following search terms:
women pecker goats breast porno gallery
*
And speaking of reviews...
Review copies of the latest Blood Pudding Press chapbook, At night, the dead: by Lisa Ciccarello are now available via The Chapbook Review.
Review copies of a couple of my own chapbooks--MONDO CRAMPO (dusie kollektiv) and PINK LEOTARD & SHOCK COLLAR are also available.
Check out these and other review copies and do consider writing a chapbook review.
http://thechapbookreview.com/submission-guidelines/available-for-review/
The review kind of irked me. At least it was a thoughtful review. I looked at the reviewer's bio--she is the managing editor of coldfront (the reputable and multifaceted poetry book review site where this review was published), seems to be a pretty prolific reviewer who is willing to speak her own truth (and I think that honesty is definitely a good trait in a book reviewer; I don't wish for ass-kissy, back-scratchy, schmoozy book reviewers), and is a published poet herself. All good traits. Still, the review left me with the vibe that she was being a little too quick to dismiss just because the material of this chapbook inhabits a style that annoys her personally. I mean obviously having one's own personal preferences and pet peeves in poetry makes sense, but just because something doesn't mesh with one's own stylistic preferences, does that mean it's weak or bad?
For example, it would seem that this reviewer does not care for artifice or pop culture references and I happen to like that kind of hoopla. She talks about the first poem in the collection and being put off as soon as she hits the Kevin Federline reference. She remarks that KFed was a cliche long ago. Well, I would agree that few people want to see his mug on reality TV these days, but in this case he's in a poem and in a doe's mouth. How is he a cliche in that context? I've never seen him in a doe's mouth in real life. In fact, in real life, I didn't even think that deer were carnivorous or particularly predatory. They're certainly not man-eaters. Yet in the first poem in Kyle Simonsen's collection, we have a deer that is carrying KFed off to some nefarious fate and the speaker of the poem, despite his own mixed feelings, misgivings, and personal disdain for KFed (or what KFed respresents) ultimately saves him anyway. To me, part of what this poem presents is a warped natural landscape infiltrated by media influences, yet at the end humanity rises above--or does it?
To me, this poem and most of the others in Simonsen's collection are a provocative amalgamation of the natural world being encroached upon by more insidious superficial and fictive elements and vice versa. It's a strange fusion of humans and other animals and machines--each of which swap traits at some points and become monstrous in one way or another and encroach upon each other. I think the collection offers some apt commentary on contemporary culture with its confused intersections of reality and fictive media, celebrity idolatry, the steamrolling of corporate rhythms, and an underlying primal longing to get back to a more natural state--but perhaps it's too late; perhaps even that natural state has been corrupted by carnivorous deer and other mutant life forms and giant billboards shedding their skins into the earth like sex-selling snakes.
Of course the landscape of these poems is warped, because they're reflecting a warped landscape. I don't know whether or not KFed is a cliche when it comes to poetry, but I do know that reality TV show culture continues to proliferate and permeate and so I think it is apt that the first poem in this collection makes reference to certain celebrity fixtures, including a rather undesirable reality TV kind of creep and his insidious seep into public consciousness. Are poets just supposed to ignore all the warped stimulus creeping in on us and focus on more serious stuff? I don't think so. What is serious anyway? What is important anyway? Sometimes I like art that reflects the messed up landscape of contempo culture and does so creatively and I think that Simonsen's work fits the bill.
The reviewer also objected to what she perceived as extraneous cleverness in the collection. I don't consider myself a fan of clever either, but maybe we have differing definitions of cleverness. To me, cleverness is kind of like soul-less crossword puzzle wordplay, whereas I find Simonsen's work to be both uniquely visceral and emotionally resonant in its own way. The reviewer read the author bio first and was immediately put off by Simonsen's reference to tentacles. Maybe she thought it was gimmicky. Maybe she likes more serious author bios. She was also put off by the Table of Contents, which she initially read as a nonsensical poem. No, that was just the Table of Contents with a title other than Table of Contents. I like to use alternative titles for Tables of Contents because I think the phrase Table of Contents is boring. Is a fellow poet really so confused by re-naming? I think it's a creative little flourish; she probably thinks it's a bell or whistle.
Another part of the review that really bothered me wasn't even about Simonsen's poetic material; it was this remark in regards to my own copy about Blood Pudding Press:
So, I move on to find out a bit more about Blood Pudding Press. “Interests of the press include horrific confection, provocative frisson, and ribbon bindery.” All bells and whistles. This type of overwrought, flamboyant self-presentation takes away from the art and makes a show of itself in its feeble attempt to be different. All I can hope is that a similar “artistry” isn’t involved in the poems.
Call me an insecure narcissist in the grip of a warped and self-absorbed simultaneous superiority/inferiority complex, but this harsh assessment kind of makes me feel like I'm being labeled as a fake artist who has nothing but gimmicks to rely upon. However, I don't think that's the case. I think my description there is just my style. I think it's poetic, connotative, and evocative in my own weird way. But no matter what I think, I have to admit that the phrase 'feeble attempt' stings and hurts my feelings.
Stylistic differences? Maybe. One woman's opinion? Maybe. I certainly appreciate anyone taking the time to carefully read a Blood Pudding Press offering and devise a thoughtful review even if the reviewer's opinion substantially differs from my own. The tone of the review makes me feel a bit dismissed, though. Even the title of the review is 'bells and whistles' and that seems to sum up the reviewer's assessment--that Blood Pudding Press's style of presentation and Kyle Simonsen's poetry revolve around bells and whistles.
But maybe one woman's bells and whistles are another woman's legitimate artistic flourishes. I just peeled off my lime green fishnet knee highs. Were those bells and whistles? Now I'm wearing my lavender vintage stewardess dress. Is that a bell and whistle? Is the fact that I'm writing about what I'm wearing right now a bell and whistle? If I don't meet certain standards of so-called highbrow academic seriousness, am I a bell and whistle? I don't know. Maybe you can read the review for yourself and let me know what you think. Perhaps it will stimulate some interesting dialogue. Or click the second link to find out more about Simonsen's collection and read that for yourself (only ten copies left!). Or click the third link to read more about my take on artifice. Or click the fourth link and read Kyle Simonsen’s own response to the review. Or eat my stockings and puke up green netting and find out if there's a mangled bird inside.
http://reviews.coldfrontmag.com/wingd-by-kyle-simonsen.html
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=26830539
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/1309951/whats_wrong_with_artifice.html?cat=38
http://thecrimsonninja.xanga.com/706654843/on-a-review-of-wingd/
*
In other news, dog warts:
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/1979686/oh_no_not_dog_warts.html?cat=53
Yeah, that's right.
*
In other news, some lucky duck happened upon this blog today via the following search terms:
women pecker goats breast porno gallery
*
And speaking of reviews...
Review copies of the latest Blood Pudding Press chapbook, At night, the dead: by Lisa Ciccarello are now available via The Chapbook Review.
Review copies of a couple of my own chapbooks--MONDO CRAMPO (dusie kollektiv) and PINK LEOTARD & SHOCK COLLAR are also available.
Check out these and other review copies and do consider writing a chapbook review.
http://thechapbookreview.com/submission-guidelines/available-for-review/
7/24/09
segments
A little over a month ago, I applied to be a freelance writer for the Onion News Network. This involved a fairly extensive and time consuming application process, but I was glad to give it a good shot. A few days ago, I found out I didn’t get the job, which was a bit disappointing, but not terribly surprising, as I’m sure competition was tough, plus part of the application process involved writing a script, which is an area in which I have little to no experience. Heck, I don’t have much comedy writing experience in general, but I do enjoy The Onion’s breed of satire and wanted to try it. It was harder to write in that style than one might suspect, or at least it was for me, but after all was said & done, I felt pretty pleased about the Ten Segment Ideas part of my application. Since I did spend a lot of time on it and since it’s not going to be used by The Onion, I’m opting to share it here. Maybe someone will find it amusing.
***
TEN SEGMENT IDEAS – Juliet Cook
--Survey of Skin Cream Company CEOs Reveals: ‘Aging Gracefully’ a Myth — General consensus among skin cream company reps is that any woman who does not invest in a leading skin cream is basically resigning herself to be an ugly, wrinkled, sun-spotted, prematurely aging crone on a collision course with job loss, divorce, and certain death.
--7 out of 10 Gynecologists Will Make Fun of Your Genitals — An ongoing informal poll conducted by family and friends of gynecologists reveals that most of these medical professionals will blatantly belittle your vagina in public, especially after having imbibed multiple alcoholic drinks. Anyone who has ever tried to reassure their lady friend about her dreaded annual gynecological exam with a clichéd phrase like, ‘They’ve seen it all before’ should rethink such lame reassurances. Ladies should make sure not to botch your bikini zone grooming on that fateful day or your beastly beaver could soon be the laughingstock of your doc’s favorite watering hole. In related news—4 out of 5 Contemporary Men Agree Female Pubic Hair Still Ugly.
--As Part of Retro 80’s Craze, Female Condom Making Comeback — In an unlikely trend associated with the resurgence of 80s fashion, the female condom, originally introduced in the late 1980s, is making a stylistic comeback. Those who are fans of this new trend claim that the cumbersome, unwieldy birth control device can insert some much-needed levity and charming awkwardness into intimate scenarios. Those who are not fans of the trend are advised to avoid picking up women in public places if they are sporting more than one of the following accessories: primary-colored polka dots, white flats, banana clips, jelly bracelets, or earrings made out of female condoms.
--Actor Hired to Star in Reality TV Show Reenactment About Man Who Gets Penis Stuck in Pool Filter Actually Gets Penis Stuck in Pool Filter — A small time actor in reality TV show clips may have not broken through into the acting mainstream yet, but still takes himself very seriously as a method actor who aims to get inside his character’s heads and truly immerse himself into their roles. Unfortunately, he took his immersion a little too far recently, when preparing for the part of a penis-stuck-in-pool-filter accident victim in a reality TV show segment. Despite his mangled member, the actor is choosing to look on the bright side of his mishap. He claims this incident will allow him to bring more pathos to the role and anyway, nothing could be more embarrassing than the audition.
--Man Dressed as Blobfish Kicked out of Plushie Convention — Proving that even one of the warmest & fuzziest sounding fetish communities has its limits, a group of Plushies (adults who fetishize stuffed animals and sometimes like to dress up as their favorite animals) kicked a man out of their convention because he was costumed as a Blobfish. General consensus seemed to be that his costume was ugly, unsexy, and not plush-looking at all; in fact, it was downright slimy-looking. The Plushie convention’s spokesman, dressed as a platypus, tried to put a more professional spin on the matter by suggesting it wasn’t the fact that the Blobfish costume was unattractive per se, so much as the fact that it doesn’t conform to the commonly accepted textural standards of Plushies. Most convention attendees’ perspectives, though, could best be summed up by the woman dressed as a giant beaver, who asked, “What the heck is a Blobfish anyway? That’s just weird”.
--National Animal Rights Organization Calls for End to Animal Cruelty in Porn — Executives from the country’s leading animal rights organization spent weeks viewing hardcore pornography in order to draft a detailed plea calling for serious changes to the way certain animals are handled in porn. Dog and horse blow jobs were deemed borderline offensive, since it is sometimes difficult to determine if the sex act is consensual. What really had activists in a tizzy, though, was the more recent wave of porn involving insertion of frogs, squid, and eels. Commented one animal rights official with a tone of outrage, ‘In one clip alone, I must have seen at least twenty baby eels inserted into a woman via funnel, but nobody tells us what happens to those eels after they’re forcefully ejected from the woman’s vagina!’
--Retired Drug Sniffing Dogs Repurposed as Help Animals, Bad Idea — It seemed like a good idea at the time. Police force drug sniffing dogs are highly trained animals, so why let all that training go to waste and just have them become boring old regular dogs after they’ve served their stint with the police force? Why not capitalize upon their previous specialized training and supplement it with even more specialized training and transform these fine creatures into seeing eye dogs? Unfortunately, there must have been a few glitches in between that well-meaning plan’s inception and its implementation. Less than a week after being assigned to his new seeing eye dog, a glaucoma sufferer lit up his weekly prescription of medical marijuana; before he knew what had happened, the man was not only blind, but in need of a prosthetic arm. Later that week, his new prosthesis was violently wrenched off when the blind man and his canine helpmate were waiting at a bus stop and the dog suddenly took off running towards a back alley. The blind man’s wife is up in arms.
--Nation’s Youngest Breast Cancer Survivor Becomes Nation’s Youngest Recipient of Oversized Breast Implants — Less than a year after being diagnosed with breast cancer before she had even reached her teenage years and losing both breasts to a radical double mastectomy, the nation’s youngest breast cancer survivor has replaced her scar tissue with enormous breast implants. The procedure was not without controversy, including outrage related to the oversexualization of young girls and various issues of height/weight proportionism. However, the girl and her family decided that after all she had been through in the last year, she deserved the chance to “go all out” and do something special with the leftover funds that had been donated towards her medical expenses. Asked what she’s planning to do next, the child survivor/starlet expressed interest in the pro wrestling circuit.
--Middle Aged Woman Googles Herself; Finds Out She Barely Exists — If this had happened five years ago, she probably would have just started setting up profiles on online social networking sites and writing slightly salacious blogs in order to make a name for herself, but she’s already in her thirties; she doesn’t have that kind of time on her hands. At this point, she’s going to have to involve herself in some soft core whoring via web cam if she wants to establish any kind of lasting identity. In related news—Online Study Shows Lowest Common Denominator Getting Lower.
--Can’t Afford Your Pet? Food Network Can Help — In these trying economic times, more families are having trouble keeping up with the costs associated with their four-legged friends. Luckily, the Food Network is doing its part to stimulate the economy by offering such families a small stipend for donating their dogs to an exciting new TV show that’s half human interest story and half exotic food presentation piece. No Chinese food here; this will be fresh, All-American cuisine, like the BLT & P, in which the P stands for Puggle. This groundbreaking program will aim to cast the consumption of canines in an affirmative and celebratory new light. If pet owners have their own ideas for a recipe that would best befit the legacy of their dearly departed family pet, they are welcome to submit the recipe along with the donated dog.
***
TEN SEGMENT IDEAS – Juliet Cook
--Survey of Skin Cream Company CEOs Reveals: ‘Aging Gracefully’ a Myth — General consensus among skin cream company reps is that any woman who does not invest in a leading skin cream is basically resigning herself to be an ugly, wrinkled, sun-spotted, prematurely aging crone on a collision course with job loss, divorce, and certain death.
--7 out of 10 Gynecologists Will Make Fun of Your Genitals — An ongoing informal poll conducted by family and friends of gynecologists reveals that most of these medical professionals will blatantly belittle your vagina in public, especially after having imbibed multiple alcoholic drinks. Anyone who has ever tried to reassure their lady friend about her dreaded annual gynecological exam with a clichéd phrase like, ‘They’ve seen it all before’ should rethink such lame reassurances. Ladies should make sure not to botch your bikini zone grooming on that fateful day or your beastly beaver could soon be the laughingstock of your doc’s favorite watering hole. In related news—4 out of 5 Contemporary Men Agree Female Pubic Hair Still Ugly.
--As Part of Retro 80’s Craze, Female Condom Making Comeback — In an unlikely trend associated with the resurgence of 80s fashion, the female condom, originally introduced in the late 1980s, is making a stylistic comeback. Those who are fans of this new trend claim that the cumbersome, unwieldy birth control device can insert some much-needed levity and charming awkwardness into intimate scenarios. Those who are not fans of the trend are advised to avoid picking up women in public places if they are sporting more than one of the following accessories: primary-colored polka dots, white flats, banana clips, jelly bracelets, or earrings made out of female condoms.
--Actor Hired to Star in Reality TV Show Reenactment About Man Who Gets Penis Stuck in Pool Filter Actually Gets Penis Stuck in Pool Filter — A small time actor in reality TV show clips may have not broken through into the acting mainstream yet, but still takes himself very seriously as a method actor who aims to get inside his character’s heads and truly immerse himself into their roles. Unfortunately, he took his immersion a little too far recently, when preparing for the part of a penis-stuck-in-pool-filter accident victim in a reality TV show segment. Despite his mangled member, the actor is choosing to look on the bright side of his mishap. He claims this incident will allow him to bring more pathos to the role and anyway, nothing could be more embarrassing than the audition.
--Man Dressed as Blobfish Kicked out of Plushie Convention — Proving that even one of the warmest & fuzziest sounding fetish communities has its limits, a group of Plushies (adults who fetishize stuffed animals and sometimes like to dress up as their favorite animals) kicked a man out of their convention because he was costumed as a Blobfish. General consensus seemed to be that his costume was ugly, unsexy, and not plush-looking at all; in fact, it was downright slimy-looking. The Plushie convention’s spokesman, dressed as a platypus, tried to put a more professional spin on the matter by suggesting it wasn’t the fact that the Blobfish costume was unattractive per se, so much as the fact that it doesn’t conform to the commonly accepted textural standards of Plushies. Most convention attendees’ perspectives, though, could best be summed up by the woman dressed as a giant beaver, who asked, “What the heck is a Blobfish anyway? That’s just weird”.
--National Animal Rights Organization Calls for End to Animal Cruelty in Porn — Executives from the country’s leading animal rights organization spent weeks viewing hardcore pornography in order to draft a detailed plea calling for serious changes to the way certain animals are handled in porn. Dog and horse blow jobs were deemed borderline offensive, since it is sometimes difficult to determine if the sex act is consensual. What really had activists in a tizzy, though, was the more recent wave of porn involving insertion of frogs, squid, and eels. Commented one animal rights official with a tone of outrage, ‘In one clip alone, I must have seen at least twenty baby eels inserted into a woman via funnel, but nobody tells us what happens to those eels after they’re forcefully ejected from the woman’s vagina!’
--Retired Drug Sniffing Dogs Repurposed as Help Animals, Bad Idea — It seemed like a good idea at the time. Police force drug sniffing dogs are highly trained animals, so why let all that training go to waste and just have them become boring old regular dogs after they’ve served their stint with the police force? Why not capitalize upon their previous specialized training and supplement it with even more specialized training and transform these fine creatures into seeing eye dogs? Unfortunately, there must have been a few glitches in between that well-meaning plan’s inception and its implementation. Less than a week after being assigned to his new seeing eye dog, a glaucoma sufferer lit up his weekly prescription of medical marijuana; before he knew what had happened, the man was not only blind, but in need of a prosthetic arm. Later that week, his new prosthesis was violently wrenched off when the blind man and his canine helpmate were waiting at a bus stop and the dog suddenly took off running towards a back alley. The blind man’s wife is up in arms.
--Nation’s Youngest Breast Cancer Survivor Becomes Nation’s Youngest Recipient of Oversized Breast Implants — Less than a year after being diagnosed with breast cancer before she had even reached her teenage years and losing both breasts to a radical double mastectomy, the nation’s youngest breast cancer survivor has replaced her scar tissue with enormous breast implants. The procedure was not without controversy, including outrage related to the oversexualization of young girls and various issues of height/weight proportionism. However, the girl and her family decided that after all she had been through in the last year, she deserved the chance to “go all out” and do something special with the leftover funds that had been donated towards her medical expenses. Asked what she’s planning to do next, the child survivor/starlet expressed interest in the pro wrestling circuit.
--Middle Aged Woman Googles Herself; Finds Out She Barely Exists — If this had happened five years ago, she probably would have just started setting up profiles on online social networking sites and writing slightly salacious blogs in order to make a name for herself, but she’s already in her thirties; she doesn’t have that kind of time on her hands. At this point, she’s going to have to involve herself in some soft core whoring via web cam if she wants to establish any kind of lasting identity. In related news—Online Study Shows Lowest Common Denominator Getting Lower.
--Can’t Afford Your Pet? Food Network Can Help — In these trying economic times, more families are having trouble keeping up with the costs associated with their four-legged friends. Luckily, the Food Network is doing its part to stimulate the economy by offering such families a small stipend for donating their dogs to an exciting new TV show that’s half human interest story and half exotic food presentation piece. No Chinese food here; this will be fresh, All-American cuisine, like the BLT & P, in which the P stands for Puggle. This groundbreaking program will aim to cast the consumption of canines in an affirmative and celebratory new light. If pet owners have their own ideas for a recipe that would best befit the legacy of their dearly departed family pet, they are welcome to submit the recipe along with the donated dog.
7/23/09
seven minutes in heaven
It's already been described as 'outrageously pungent' by poet & critic Adam Fieled.
Now my new print poetry chapbook PINK LEOTARD & SHOCK COLLAR has elicited a comparison to the Lunachicks. Say what?
Yes, poet Kate Durbin said the series of Slumber Party Scandals within the chapbook reminded her of this Lunachicks song--'Light as a Feather':
Does this mean my poems are like the soundtrack for some kind of crude after-dark roller derby?
Put on your striped thigh highs, listen to the song, buy the book, lie down for your bawdy fake seance, get your teeth knocked out.
http://spooky-girlfriend.blogspot.com/2009/07/now-available-pink-leotard-shock-collar.html
P.S. My roller derby name is Darlingtonia.
*
P.S. Kissing Bug might make a good roller derby name, too.
Now my new print poetry chapbook PINK LEOTARD & SHOCK COLLAR has elicited a comparison to the Lunachicks. Say what?
Yes, poet Kate Durbin said the series of Slumber Party Scandals within the chapbook reminded her of this Lunachicks song--'Light as a Feather':
Does this mean my poems are like the soundtrack for some kind of crude after-dark roller derby?
Put on your striped thigh highs, listen to the song, buy the book, lie down for your bawdy fake seance, get your teeth knocked out.
http://spooky-girlfriend.blogspot.com/2009/07/now-available-pink-leotard-shock-collar.html
P.S. My roller derby name is Darlingtonia.
*
P.S. Kissing Bug might make a good roller derby name, too.
7/21/09
Tongue Like a Stinger (now with more angst!)
My latest e-chapbook, Tongue Like a Stinger, has just been published by Wheelhouse Press. Please feel free to check it out here:
http://www.wheelhousemagazine.com/chapbook/cook.pdf
It has been published concurrently with two other new e-chapbooks, which I look forward to reading soon--Xenomorphia by Matina Stamatakis & John Moore Williams and Over This Here Rainbow by Lars Palm.
You can read what Wheelhouse editor David Wolach has to say about these chapbooks, the Wheelhouse mission, and other exciting upcoming projects at his blog here:
http://davidwolach.blogspot.com/
A sort of hybrid of older work with new material, my chapbook might appeal to those who find some of my latest poetry a little too visceral or in-your-face for their liking. The 'Tongue Like a Stinger' collection is slightly more subtle; not a lot more subtle, just slightly.
It's about birds and bees and fur and tentacles and implanted debris and tainted femininity and more. It includes my Best of the Net 2007 winning and Pushcart Prize nominated poem, 'Some Explanations for Fainting Goats' and more. I designed the collage art cover with various images inlcuding a photo of a bird skeleton found in somebody's attic, which had to be disposed of after my photography session, because flesh was still clinging to the bones and it stunk.
If you're in the mood for my more in-your-face and oozing, my latest print chapbook, PINK LEOTARD & SHOCK COLLAR is newly available from Spooky Girlfriend Press in a small print run, costs less than a fast food meal, and has already been described as "outrageously pungent" (Adam Fieled, poet & critic):
http://spooky-girlfriend.blogspot.com/2009/07/now-available-pink-leotard-shock-collar.html
***
In other writing/editing news: new flight formation winging its way onto the scene some time tomorrow, dog warts article in progress, revamped DIY feminist poetry publishing article in progress, I have quite a few writing assignments on my platter that I pretty much need to finish up in the next week, plus I need to get started on the next Blood Pudding Press chapbook, egads!
At least I finished a chapbook review yesterday and submitted it to The Chapbook Review.
At least I got a dreaded doctor's appointment out of the way today and a not so dreaded hair cut.
*
Update: Another tidbit of poetic good news--I have received a poetry acceptance from Action, Yes! YAY!!!
Plus, I just realized I now have ten published chapbooks (not counting the one that's out of print)! Five self-published through Blood Pudding Press (inlcuding two collaborations) and five published by other small presses (including two e-chapbooks). WOW!
Plus one more chapbook manuscript in circulation and one more collaboration in progress.
Poetry Poetry Poetry, go go go!
*
Thursday update: I wonder if people think I'm being too self-congratulatory or overly self-promotional when I write up peppy little spiels like the above. Well, right now I'm in the midst of a small wave of discouragement (hopefully, it will pass soon enough and then I might delete this bit, because I don't want my blog to seem too negative or self-defeating). I truly do adore and become excited about poetry projects and I've had a pretty darn grand poetry week or so, with the publication of TWO new chapbooks, an acceptance from one of my highly-coveted wish list mags and more,
BUT...
A small wave of discouragement just came over me. Maybe it was because I found out today that a nifty freelance writing gig I recently applied for did not come my way. It was a writing gig for the Onion News Network. Of course, I'd prefer to write poetry, but poetry doesn't pay the bills, unless you have some kind of academic job, which I don't. Sometimes I get tired of taking consumer surveys online and writing little freelance articles about dog warts in order to make three dollars (not an exaggeration).
'Well, I'm not going to be a writer for the Onion News Network,' I semi-dejectedly informed my husband a little while ago.
'Well, neither am I, ' he replied.
Yeah, but he didn't spend nearly three full days working on the writing application.
I probably spend more time on my writing stuff than many people spend on their full-time jobs, but where has it gotten me? Okay, that's not a fair question. It's gotten me plenty. I've had lots of poems published--I have a book--I've published ten poetry chapbooks in the last three years, which I realized last evening and which seemed sort of impressive at the time--so I guess that must mean I'm doing something right with my poetry.
Yet every month, I struggle to pay my household bills, which is very stressful to say the least.
For thirteen years, I worked for the same company--for the last decade, it was one office job or another, passionless yet tolerable and with a company I didn't dislike. It wasn't a high-paying gig, but it was enough for a non-materialistic sort such as me, plus I had good benefits. This past November, my "position was eliminated due to organizational restructuring". I could go off on a long, bitter tangent about certain suspicions of underhandedness, but I won't.
Instead I will jump to the part about how I've applied for about 80 jobs since then (no exaggeration) and haven't gotten one yet and I don't think it's because my resume is bad or anything like that; I'm not sure what it's because of. I know the economy has been bad, I know the job market is very competitive, blah blah blah. Still, I've applied for about 80 jobs--from full-time to part-time, from well-paying to crappy-paying, ranging from university jobs to medical center jobs to art galleries to libraries to government jobs to office jobs to Call Center jobs to barista jobs and more. And I guess if my unemployment benefits run out, I'll start applying at fast food eateries, convenience marts, and gas stations, too.
So just in case anyone reads my blog and I'm giddily writing about my latest publication credits or poetry chapbooks or whatever and you think to yourself, 'Golly, way to pat yourself on the back about your ten chapbooks, Mrs. Egomaniac', you might want to consider that a big part of the reason for that (in addition to the fact that I really do get genuinely super duper excited about poetry stuff) is because POETRY is one area in my life in which things are going well and I have a lot of small successes and it makes me feel good about myself and happy. Which is not so much the case in certain other areas of my life.
Such as the elusive career area. Am I doing something wrong? Should I be investing less time into my poetry and more time into writing articles about dog warts or something even less appealing to me?
It's just that there's so much to do in the realm of writing. Writing and publishing my own poetry, publishing other's poetry and book reviews (because I like to give back to the poetry community), writing freelance articles, advertising and promoting and designing and brainstorming and organizing and reading...
Indeed, I've already let blogging fall way off; my participation in the blogosphere used to be much more extensive, but something had to give to make way for the consumer surveys and the freelance articles and the time-consuming, ongoing job search activities and the seemingly perpetual following up with people who don't get back to me. By the way, in addition to my resume, I now have a whole computerized folder of different cover letters that can be adapted to fit different job openings. I have an administrative cover letter, an art job cover letter, a library job cover letter, a customer service cover letter, an editor cover letter, and a freelance writer cover letter, among others. Apparently none of them are successful. But at least my poetry is.
Well, successful in most every way except for the bill-paying kind of success, which is probably the kind of success that matters most to a lot of people. In fact, an even more common response to my poetry chapbook pep talk would probably be something like, 'Who CARES if you have ten poetry chapbooks?'
So I was just trying to convince myself that I cared (which I do), since occasionally a wave of discouragement or deflation will overcome me and I'll feel like I'm writing into a void...
It just seems like it would make more sense if I could manage to earn my livelihood via the pursuits that I am truly passionate about, driven towards, committed to, and invest LOTS of genuinely-intended time, effort, and energy into, but alack.
Okay, enough angsty ranting. I'll try to come back later with more peppy promo, related to poetry, the Luna Chicks, and feral ferocity.
http://www.wheelhousemagazine.com/chapbook/cook.pdf
It has been published concurrently with two other new e-chapbooks, which I look forward to reading soon--Xenomorphia by Matina Stamatakis & John Moore Williams and Over This Here Rainbow by Lars Palm.
You can read what Wheelhouse editor David Wolach has to say about these chapbooks, the Wheelhouse mission, and other exciting upcoming projects at his blog here:
http://davidwolach.blogspot.com/
A sort of hybrid of older work with new material, my chapbook might appeal to those who find some of my latest poetry a little too visceral or in-your-face for their liking. The 'Tongue Like a Stinger' collection is slightly more subtle; not a lot more subtle, just slightly.
It's about birds and bees and fur and tentacles and implanted debris and tainted femininity and more. It includes my Best of the Net 2007 winning and Pushcart Prize nominated poem, 'Some Explanations for Fainting Goats' and more. I designed the collage art cover with various images inlcuding a photo of a bird skeleton found in somebody's attic, which had to be disposed of after my photography session, because flesh was still clinging to the bones and it stunk.
If you're in the mood for my more in-your-face and oozing, my latest print chapbook, PINK LEOTARD & SHOCK COLLAR is newly available from Spooky Girlfriend Press in a small print run, costs less than a fast food meal, and has already been described as "outrageously pungent" (Adam Fieled, poet & critic):
http://spooky-girlfriend.blogspot.com/2009/07/now-available-pink-leotard-shock-collar.html
***
In other writing/editing news: new flight formation winging its way onto the scene some time tomorrow, dog warts article in progress, revamped DIY feminist poetry publishing article in progress, I have quite a few writing assignments on my platter that I pretty much need to finish up in the next week, plus I need to get started on the next Blood Pudding Press chapbook, egads!
At least I finished a chapbook review yesterday and submitted it to The Chapbook Review.
At least I got a dreaded doctor's appointment out of the way today and a not so dreaded hair cut.
*
Update: Another tidbit of poetic good news--I have received a poetry acceptance from Action, Yes! YAY!!!
Plus, I just realized I now have ten published chapbooks (not counting the one that's out of print)! Five self-published through Blood Pudding Press (inlcuding two collaborations) and five published by other small presses (including two e-chapbooks). WOW!
Plus one more chapbook manuscript in circulation and one more collaboration in progress.
Poetry Poetry Poetry, go go go!
*
Thursday update: I wonder if people think I'm being too self-congratulatory or overly self-promotional when I write up peppy little spiels like the above. Well, right now I'm in the midst of a small wave of discouragement (hopefully, it will pass soon enough and then I might delete this bit, because I don't want my blog to seem too negative or self-defeating). I truly do adore and become excited about poetry projects and I've had a pretty darn grand poetry week or so, with the publication of TWO new chapbooks, an acceptance from one of my highly-coveted wish list mags and more,
BUT...
A small wave of discouragement just came over me. Maybe it was because I found out today that a nifty freelance writing gig I recently applied for did not come my way. It was a writing gig for the Onion News Network. Of course, I'd prefer to write poetry, but poetry doesn't pay the bills, unless you have some kind of academic job, which I don't. Sometimes I get tired of taking consumer surveys online and writing little freelance articles about dog warts in order to make three dollars (not an exaggeration).
'Well, I'm not going to be a writer for the Onion News Network,' I semi-dejectedly informed my husband a little while ago.
'Well, neither am I, ' he replied.
Yeah, but he didn't spend nearly three full days working on the writing application.
I probably spend more time on my writing stuff than many people spend on their full-time jobs, but where has it gotten me? Okay, that's not a fair question. It's gotten me plenty. I've had lots of poems published--I have a book--I've published ten poetry chapbooks in the last three years, which I realized last evening and which seemed sort of impressive at the time--so I guess that must mean I'm doing something right with my poetry.
Yet every month, I struggle to pay my household bills, which is very stressful to say the least.
For thirteen years, I worked for the same company--for the last decade, it was one office job or another, passionless yet tolerable and with a company I didn't dislike. It wasn't a high-paying gig, but it was enough for a non-materialistic sort such as me, plus I had good benefits. This past November, my "position was eliminated due to organizational restructuring". I could go off on a long, bitter tangent about certain suspicions of underhandedness, but I won't.
Instead I will jump to the part about how I've applied for about 80 jobs since then (no exaggeration) and haven't gotten one yet and I don't think it's because my resume is bad or anything like that; I'm not sure what it's because of. I know the economy has been bad, I know the job market is very competitive, blah blah blah. Still, I've applied for about 80 jobs--from full-time to part-time, from well-paying to crappy-paying, ranging from university jobs to medical center jobs to art galleries to libraries to government jobs to office jobs to Call Center jobs to barista jobs and more. And I guess if my unemployment benefits run out, I'll start applying at fast food eateries, convenience marts, and gas stations, too.
So just in case anyone reads my blog and I'm giddily writing about my latest publication credits or poetry chapbooks or whatever and you think to yourself, 'Golly, way to pat yourself on the back about your ten chapbooks, Mrs. Egomaniac', you might want to consider that a big part of the reason for that (in addition to the fact that I really do get genuinely super duper excited about poetry stuff) is because POETRY is one area in my life in which things are going well and I have a lot of small successes and it makes me feel good about myself and happy. Which is not so much the case in certain other areas of my life.
Such as the elusive career area. Am I doing something wrong? Should I be investing less time into my poetry and more time into writing articles about dog warts or something even less appealing to me?
It's just that there's so much to do in the realm of writing. Writing and publishing my own poetry, publishing other's poetry and book reviews (because I like to give back to the poetry community), writing freelance articles, advertising and promoting and designing and brainstorming and organizing and reading...
Indeed, I've already let blogging fall way off; my participation in the blogosphere used to be much more extensive, but something had to give to make way for the consumer surveys and the freelance articles and the time-consuming, ongoing job search activities and the seemingly perpetual following up with people who don't get back to me. By the way, in addition to my resume, I now have a whole computerized folder of different cover letters that can be adapted to fit different job openings. I have an administrative cover letter, an art job cover letter, a library job cover letter, a customer service cover letter, an editor cover letter, and a freelance writer cover letter, among others. Apparently none of them are successful. But at least my poetry is.
Well, successful in most every way except for the bill-paying kind of success, which is probably the kind of success that matters most to a lot of people. In fact, an even more common response to my poetry chapbook pep talk would probably be something like, 'Who CARES if you have ten poetry chapbooks?'
So I was just trying to convince myself that I cared (which I do), since occasionally a wave of discouragement or deflation will overcome me and I'll feel like I'm writing into a void...
It just seems like it would make more sense if I could manage to earn my livelihood via the pursuits that I am truly passionate about, driven towards, committed to, and invest LOTS of genuinely-intended time, effort, and energy into, but alack.
Okay, enough angsty ranting. I'll try to come back later with more peppy promo, related to poetry, the Luna Chicks, and feral ferocity.
7/16/09
magician assistant failure
Bad dreams this morning about uncomfortable dentistry with pokey wires in uneasy proximity to my gums and then it suddenly it shifted from dentist chair to inside a formidably spiked metal container. I was a magician's assistant and the trick failed; they couldn't figure out how to free me from this device. The magician was just standing in the aisle amidst the audience, on his cell phone, asking someone on the other end what course of action to try next, to get me out.
He asked, 'Should we just let her chew through it?'
*
In less dark news, I wrote a new article about my & D's Caribbean cruise last year:
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/1948114/notes_on_a_western_caribbean_cruise.html?cat=16
He asked, 'Should we just let her chew through it?'
*
In less dark news, I wrote a new article about my & D's Caribbean cruise last year:
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/1948114/notes_on_a_western_caribbean_cruise.html?cat=16
7/13/09
MAR vs. MARS
I just submitted a few of my new poems to the Mid-American Review, which is of note because the Mid-Am Review is published at Bowling Green State University, which is where I earned my undergraduate degree--a BFA in Creative Writing--back in the mid 1990s. Despite this little connection, I have never before submitted to the publication.
Back when I was an undergrad, I read a few issues and it seemed dull to me at the time. Like older people writing nature poetry, of which I was not a fan. In more recent years, the publication sort of revamped its image and started calling itself MAR, plus the content took a turn for the fresher and livlier. I even subscribed to the magazine for a while and it was a pretty good read.
That was a few years back too, though, so I'm not sure if they've continued in fresher directions or re-directed focus again. I did read some of the recent sample poetry on their website and it seems like they still have a certain slight bias towards realism and content that deals with the natural world, so I'm not sure how receptive they'll be to my rather figurative and oblique approach, but it'll interesting to find out.
I decided not to send any designer vaginas to this particular source; I sent two Sink or Floats and a peculiar yet strong (in my opinion) new piece I just completed today called 'Balut'. None are nature poems per se, but they include living creatures such as leeches, feathered things, and pig-like things (what is with me and the pig-like things lately?). They also include albinos.
In other news, if you haven't bought my chapbook, PINK LEOTARD & SHOCK COLLAR yet, are you trying to make me feel unpopular? See my previous entry for the red beets. Replace red beets with details. Spend $3.00 on a whole little book of my poetry. It''ll cost less than buying me a drink and will still make one of us drunk.
***
P.S. Okay, I just received this message on my myspace account:
'We had to remove an image (or images) from your account because they violated our Terms of Use. Our site is for people as young as 13, so we can't have certain kinds of pics (nude/sexually explicit, violence). Find out more about content we don’t allow at http://www.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=misc.terms. If you continue to violate our Terms, we may be forced to remove your account. If you find an image which you feel is in violation of our Terms, please feel free to use the 'report image' link below the image.Thanks for your understanding.MySpace Safety & Security'
Well, the photo they deleted was a pic of the cover of my new chapbook (see image below), so apparently a piece of art involving an ink drawing of bare breasts on a screaming woman has been deemed offensive. I wonder if someone reported it, because don't tell MySpace Safety & Security, but I also have a fine art painting of a naked breast AND a photo of my own pantily-clad crotch (in promo of another poetry chapbook MONDO CRAMPO) amongst my photos there and those have been there for months and there they will stay.
If my account gets deleted, so be it, because I don't really feel like conceding to the assessment that artwork breasts are offensive. In fact, I will be posting two succulent paintings of artwork breasts on Thirteen Myna Birds (http:/13myna.blogspot.com) tonight, so stay tuned.
Back when I was an undergrad, I read a few issues and it seemed dull to me at the time. Like older people writing nature poetry, of which I was not a fan. In more recent years, the publication sort of revamped its image and started calling itself MAR, plus the content took a turn for the fresher and livlier. I even subscribed to the magazine for a while and it was a pretty good read.
That was a few years back too, though, so I'm not sure if they've continued in fresher directions or re-directed focus again. I did read some of the recent sample poetry on their website and it seems like they still have a certain slight bias towards realism and content that deals with the natural world, so I'm not sure how receptive they'll be to my rather figurative and oblique approach, but it'll interesting to find out.
I decided not to send any designer vaginas to this particular source; I sent two Sink or Floats and a peculiar yet strong (in my opinion) new piece I just completed today called 'Balut'. None are nature poems per se, but they include living creatures such as leeches, feathered things, and pig-like things (what is with me and the pig-like things lately?). They also include albinos.
In other news, if you haven't bought my chapbook, PINK LEOTARD & SHOCK COLLAR yet, are you trying to make me feel unpopular? See my previous entry for the red beets. Replace red beets with details. Spend $3.00 on a whole little book of my poetry. It''ll cost less than buying me a drink and will still make one of us drunk.
***
P.S. Okay, I just received this message on my myspace account:
'We had to remove an image (or images) from your account because they violated our Terms of Use. Our site is for people as young as 13, so we can't have certain kinds of pics (nude/sexually explicit, violence). Find out more about content we don’t allow at http://www.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=misc.terms. If you continue to violate our Terms, we may be forced to remove your account. If you find an image which you feel is in violation of our Terms, please feel free to use the 'report image' link below the image.Thanks for your understanding.MySpace Safety & Security'
Well, the photo they deleted was a pic of the cover of my new chapbook (see image below), so apparently a piece of art involving an ink drawing of bare breasts on a screaming woman has been deemed offensive. I wonder if someone reported it, because don't tell MySpace Safety & Security, but I also have a fine art painting of a naked breast AND a photo of my own pantily-clad crotch (in promo of another poetry chapbook MONDO CRAMPO) amongst my photos there and those have been there for months and there they will stay.
If my account gets deleted, so be it, because I don't really feel like conceding to the assessment that artwork breasts are offensive. In fact, I will be posting two succulent paintings of artwork breasts on Thirteen Myna Birds (http:/13myna.blogspot.com) tonight, so stay tuned.
7/11/09
PINK LEOTARD & SHOCK COLLAR
My latest poetry chapbook PINK LEOTARD & SHOCK COLLAR is now available from Spooky Girlfriend Press in a VERY limited edition print run of only 25 copies. They are only $3.00 each!
Heck, at that rate I might buy some of them myself and resell them for $33.00 after licking the nipples and sticking on some googly eyes!
So if you want one on the cheap, you'd better buy it now before I do!
The picture atop my words here is an image of the cover art by Alexis Dietz, but on the real chapbook, it appears upon a hot pink backdrop.
You can read a few more details about the chapbook, including how to buy, here:
http://spooky-girlfriend.blogspot.com/2009/07/now-available-pink-leotard-shock-collar.html
***
Monday: I just opened my back door to let the dog out and there is a strange pair of men's sandals (not belonging to myself or my husband) on the door mat, right in front of the door, directly facing the door,as if someone with an invisible body is just about to knock...
I hope he's a poet and I wish he would materialize soon and come downtown with me and buy me a smoothie or something. I don't really care for running errands by myself, but alack. I guess I just ought to quit dawdling and proceed, as there is very much to be done and I must get those errands out of the way soon.
At least I wrote an odd new poem this morning and am quite pleased with it. I wish I could spend hours & hours writing poems, but...
7/9/09
the birds are freaking out
Okay, so maybe my pieces that Andrew Borgstrom posted on his blog today are not exactly 'thingees'. They're more like poems of sorts that I wrote to him in response to his 'Dear Myna' poem that is currently #13 on Thirteen Myna Birds. I told him he could do whatever he wanted with them and he posted them on his blog.
So visit Thirteen Myna Birds at http://13myna.blogspot.com/ and read #13 and then click on Andrew's name, which will link you to his blog, where you can read my response pieces. The line breaks are kinda wonky; they're supposed to look like chunks, but I guess you can just pretend they're chunky. They're chunky in spirit.
I'm a little behind on some stuff, partly because I have a big job interview tomorrow and have been spending big chunks of the last two days freaking out, mentally preparing, and other prep. So if you recently submitted to Thirteen or I'm supposed to get back to you about your chapbook or you're awaiting some Blood Pudding Press goodies or something, it's coming soon.
In the meantime, you can read my article about Rape-aXe:
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/1915454/rapeaxe_is_it_a_good_idea.html?cat=5
P.S. I just got this nifty little email from a local friendly acquaintance:
"My mom just called me to tell me about her coworker Chuck and how he was making a movie and offered us tickets. She mentioned to him that I liked to write and he told her about some fabulously awesome writer in Columbus that I would be interested in. My mom calls me, and says, "hey, have you ever heard of this website for this blood pudding thing?"
Cheers!"
Made me feel good, but now I'm wondering who this Chuck chickadee is. Speaking of freaky birds...
So visit Thirteen Myna Birds at http://13myna.blogspot.com/ and read #13 and then click on Andrew's name, which will link you to his blog, where you can read my response pieces. The line breaks are kinda wonky; they're supposed to look like chunks, but I guess you can just pretend they're chunky. They're chunky in spirit.
I'm a little behind on some stuff, partly because I have a big job interview tomorrow and have been spending big chunks of the last two days freaking out, mentally preparing, and other prep. So if you recently submitted to Thirteen or I'm supposed to get back to you about your chapbook or you're awaiting some Blood Pudding Press goodies or something, it's coming soon.
In the meantime, you can read my article about Rape-aXe:
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/1915454/rapeaxe_is_it_a_good_idea.html?cat=5
P.S. I just got this nifty little email from a local friendly acquaintance:
"My mom just called me to tell me about her coworker Chuck and how he was making a movie and offered us tickets. She mentioned to him that I liked to write and he told her about some fabulously awesome writer in Columbus that I would be interested in. My mom calls me, and says, "hey, have you ever heard of this website for this blood pudding thing?"
Cheers!"
Made me feel good, but now I'm wondering who this Chuck chickadee is. Speaking of freaky birds...
7/7/09
fancy peckers
Happened upon this very pretty, fun looking website called Fancy Find, which has an appealing feature called Toybox Tuesdays, which is presently offering up (amongst other delectable offerings) a wondrous mermaid poem by Janelle Elyse Kihlstrom, which originally appeared upon Thirteen Myna Birds. I thought I'd share so that the poem could be experienced again, in a frilly pink new context:
http://fancyfind.com/2009/07/07/toybox-tuesday-july-7-2009/
Speaking of Thirteen Myna Birds, the latest flight formation is delightfully evocative, dark, and edgy. When I titled this post 'fancy peckers' I was thinking about sharp-beaked birds. Subject yourself unless you're a fraidy cat:
http://13myna.blogspot.com/
*
P.S. First designer vagina acceptance; one designer vagina forthcoming in DIAGRAM.
Also a recent acceptance of a paper doll poem by ABJECTIVE, to be published on Halloween.
*
Update: It would appear that someone happened upon the Thirteen Myna Birds blog this morning after searching for "naked feet spanking". Hmmm...
Other than that, I've had a stressful morning with too many variables.
More hairs probably turning gray.
*
Contrary to popular belief, I'm sensitive and my feelings are easily hurt.
It seems like those closest to me should know this, but apparently they don't.
The popular belief part is inaccurate. There's pretty much nothing popular about me.
Oh well.
http://fancyfind.com/2009/07/07/toybox-tuesday-july-7-2009/
Speaking of Thirteen Myna Birds, the latest flight formation is delightfully evocative, dark, and edgy. When I titled this post 'fancy peckers' I was thinking about sharp-beaked birds. Subject yourself unless you're a fraidy cat:
http://13myna.blogspot.com/
*
P.S. First designer vagina acceptance; one designer vagina forthcoming in DIAGRAM.
Also a recent acceptance of a paper doll poem by ABJECTIVE, to be published on Halloween.
*
Update: It would appear that someone happened upon the Thirteen Myna Birds blog this morning after searching for "naked feet spanking". Hmmm...
Other than that, I've had a stressful morning with too many variables.
More hairs probably turning gray.
*
Contrary to popular belief, I'm sensitive and my feelings are easily hurt.
It seems like those closest to me should know this, but apparently they don't.
The popular belief part is inaccurate. There's pretty much nothing popular about me.
Oh well.
7/2/09
bloody jiggling jello squares (misshapen)
Yes, this same posting also appears upon the Bloody Ooze. I'm multi-tasking, okay? Maybe I should re-title this blog 'CandyDishDoom's More Businesslike Fratneral Twin'. Or maybe not.
Anyway, this review makes me really happy. I was having a not-so-hot day yesterday and this review came to my attention right before bed, whereupon my mood substantially improved and now I'm starting today in good spirits. I think that more good poetry news will be on its merry way very soon, so stay tuned.
I've also been alternating between paper dolls and designer vaginas in the realm of my own poetry writing and feeling pretty inspired. Okay, here's the re-post:
The new issue of The Chapbook Review includes a strangely delightful and lusciously edible (complete with take out menu) review of SPIDER VEIN IMPASTO, served up oh so creatively by daring diner Andrew Borgstrom.
SPIDER VEIN IMPASTO was (and still is, for that matter) the latest Blood Pudding Press multi-writer project, offering up some highly questionable wordmeats and bloody jiggling jello squares (misshapen) by a variety peculiarly yunmy poets.
After you read Borgstrom's wonderful assessment of this delectable project, you're probably going to want to acquire your very own copy. Lucky for you, they are still available for acquisition in the Blood Pudding Press shop at http://www.bloodpuddingpress.etsy.com/. With ribbon bindery and bakery lables even!
Read Borgstrom's review BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE, mutant muffins!http://thechapbookreview.com/current-issue/spider-vein-impasto/
***
In other poetry news, I'm also quite excited about 'Tongue Like a Stinger', my new e-chapbook, to be published by Wheelhouse in mere days!
It's a mix of older and newer poetry--the older up to a few years old (and including my poem 'Some Explanations for Fainting Goats' which appeared in the Best of the Net 2007 Anthology and was also nominated for a Pushcart Prize, thanks to Prick of the Spindle)--the newer written within the last half year or so.
Earlier versions of this manuscript were in circulation for a few years under different titles, inlcuding 'Fainting Goats & Other Wayward Animals' and 'Mounting Sting', but I'm considerably more pleased with the newest 'Tongue Like a Stinger' incarnation and very happy it will be represented by Wheelhouse.
***
Oh yeah and I also forgot to mention that one of my poems was chosen by the editors of Cherry Bleeds to appear in an upcoming anthology called 'Best Cuts'. They will be publishing 'Bouncy Ball', an earlier version of a piece that later became 'Cosmetic Surgery'.
You can swallow the bouncy ball inside 'PROJECTILE VOMIT', my 2008 e-chapbook published by Scantily Clad Press, here:
http://issuu.com/andrewlundwall/docs/julietcook_projectilevomit?mode=embed&documentId=081125231628-bf7eb1e54f464ca19fab878e71eb748a&layout=grey
And/or you can go under my knife for some hideous cosmetic surgey, version #2, which was published by Rain Fade, here:
http://www.rain-fade.com/poetry/58-cosmetic-surgery.html
Golly, I am just filled with poetry news today.
***
AND YET ANOTHER little poetry tidbit, can you even believe it? As you may or may not have been informed, the very latest Blood Pudding Press poetry chapbook is lovely Lisa Ciccarello's 'At night, the dead:'
Well, if you'd like to view a photo of Lisa's sweet legs as she reads from this volume, then please do visit the Bloody Ooze.
Do sexy legs sell poetry?
Anyway, this review makes me really happy. I was having a not-so-hot day yesterday and this review came to my attention right before bed, whereupon my mood substantially improved and now I'm starting today in good spirits. I think that more good poetry news will be on its merry way very soon, so stay tuned.
I've also been alternating between paper dolls and designer vaginas in the realm of my own poetry writing and feeling pretty inspired. Okay, here's the re-post:
The new issue of The Chapbook Review includes a strangely delightful and lusciously edible (complete with take out menu) review of SPIDER VEIN IMPASTO, served up oh so creatively by daring diner Andrew Borgstrom.
SPIDER VEIN IMPASTO was (and still is, for that matter) the latest Blood Pudding Press multi-writer project, offering up some highly questionable wordmeats and bloody jiggling jello squares (misshapen) by a variety peculiarly yunmy poets.
After you read Borgstrom's wonderful assessment of this delectable project, you're probably going to want to acquire your very own copy. Lucky for you, they are still available for acquisition in the Blood Pudding Press shop at http://www.bloodpuddingpress.etsy.com/. With ribbon bindery and bakery lables even!
Read Borgstrom's review BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE, mutant muffins!http://thechapbookreview.com/current-issue/spider-vein-impasto/
***
In other poetry news, I'm also quite excited about 'Tongue Like a Stinger', my new e-chapbook, to be published by Wheelhouse in mere days!
It's a mix of older and newer poetry--the older up to a few years old (and including my poem 'Some Explanations for Fainting Goats' which appeared in the Best of the Net 2007 Anthology and was also nominated for a Pushcart Prize, thanks to Prick of the Spindle)--the newer written within the last half year or so.
Earlier versions of this manuscript were in circulation for a few years under different titles, inlcuding 'Fainting Goats & Other Wayward Animals' and 'Mounting Sting', but I'm considerably more pleased with the newest 'Tongue Like a Stinger' incarnation and very happy it will be represented by Wheelhouse.
***
Oh yeah and I also forgot to mention that one of my poems was chosen by the editors of Cherry Bleeds to appear in an upcoming anthology called 'Best Cuts'. They will be publishing 'Bouncy Ball', an earlier version of a piece that later became 'Cosmetic Surgery'.
You can swallow the bouncy ball inside 'PROJECTILE VOMIT', my 2008 e-chapbook published by Scantily Clad Press, here:
http://issuu.com/andrewlundwall/docs/julietcook_projectilevomit?mode=embed&documentId=081125231628-bf7eb1e54f464ca19fab878e71eb748a&layout=grey
And/or you can go under my knife for some hideous cosmetic surgey, version #2, which was published by Rain Fade, here:
http://www.rain-fade.com/poetry/58-cosmetic-surgery.html
Golly, I am just filled with poetry news today.
***
AND YET ANOTHER little poetry tidbit, can you even believe it? As you may or may not have been informed, the very latest Blood Pudding Press poetry chapbook is lovely Lisa Ciccarello's 'At night, the dead:'
Well, if you'd like to view a photo of Lisa's sweet legs as she reads from this volume, then please do visit the Bloody Ooze.
Do sexy legs sell poetry?
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